enough
to be in the movies.
I took ballet too.
Did I tell you?
I just love
getting the flowers
after a performance.
Carly, these are just
the greatest bunch of gals
you'd ever want to know.
Now, they're just
all gonna make you feel
real at home. Come on.
Ladies, help has arrived.
Mom's gonna kill you.
No, she won't.
Let's play a joke on her.
What kind of joke?
We'll both go and lay down
on the living room floor
and pretend we're dead or sick.
Hello. I'm home.
Where's mom?
I don't know.
Probably at the movies.
She didn't leave a note?
Actually, school
was pretty good.
The principal
and his custodial staff
took turns raping me,
While governor wallace himself
stood there and watched
and welcomed us to alabama.
I guess that's what you'd call
southern hospitality.
Oh, daddy's home.
I missed you.
I'm glad to see you.
Sorry I'm late.
Hello, girls.
ta da
I've decided
to become a makeup artist.
My face is my easel.
Honey, you're much too fair
to wear that dark eye shadow and
much too young to wear makeup.
I told you.
Wife, I hope you got
food in those bags.
Oh, I got that and more.
We are gonna have
a party tonight.
Lookee here.
That, my dear, is for you.
Goody.
And for my sweet man.
To replace the one
that was lost in that move
to japan or germany or alaska.
Thanks, mom.
Will you teach me?
As soon as you wash
your pretty little face.
A selmer.
Thank you, sweetheart,
I've been missing a clarinet.
Did you know that your daddy
worked his way through college
playing in a band?
My daddy? No.
Major squarehead?
Oh, yeah.
I found that in a pawn
shop along with-
For Alexandra.
It's 'cause you're so smart
and you see things
so clearly and-
Well, you can be
the family historian.
Thank you, mom.
It's got film
and flashbulbs and-
Well, you just pose us
and shoot away.
Mom, what did you get?
I get to make us
a indoor picnic.
All right, now we'll see
who's hot and who's not.
Play us some old bop, pop.
Come on, honey.
Dance with me.
I'll teach you how, okay?
Try this.
Everybody,
say "shit."
Shit.
Enjoy your drinks.
Alex, I've told you young ladies
do not chew gum in public.
I am not a lady,
I'm a teenager.
Teenagers keep
wrigley's in business.
Spit it out.
Carly. A double vodka
martini on the rocks,
Two shirley temples
and vermouth.
- So, where's our host?
- Right over there.
Oh, at ease, major.
This is a party.
Colonel Johnson,
I'd like you to meet
my wife Carly.
Pleased
to meet you.
How do you do,
colonel?
Carly, hi.
Vera, hi.
Major Marshall, it's so good
to meet you at last.
Mrs. Johnson, Carly's told me
how kind you've been to her.
Oh, we've been having
so much fun at rehearsals,
haven't we?
I'd like you
to meet my son Glenn.
This is mrs. Marshall.
Mrs. Marshall,
how do you do?
Rebecca and Alexandra.
You're going to west point
in the fall?
Yes, ma'am, if they'll have me.
They haven't turned down
a Johnson in five generations.
They'll be lucky to get you.
I've always said that
Vince was born to command
and I was born to demand.
it's lucky you two
found each other.
Would you two like
to play some croquet?
Go on.
Go on, go play.
Okay.
You've got a real bevy
of beauties here, major.
I envy you.
And you are
a flatterer, colonel.
the kids seem
to hit it off real good.
- Alex isn't very shy.
- No, you know she gets
that quality from me.
Lord, you should have seen
when I was pursuing the major.
I just ran him ragged
till I finally let him catch me.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi.
I thought you and mom
were going to another party.
We are.
Mom went over to help
mrs. Johnson with her makeup.
What are you doing?
Probably stay home
and watch tv.
Why don't you go check out
the teen center?
'cause any place
that calls itself
the teen center...
Is probably full of people
who can't make friends.
We've been here two