her wedding dress.
If she does, you mustn't bug
her... I'm not gonna bug her...
I'm gonna go set myself up in Mike's
room. So I'll see you guys later.
Okay, sweetheart.
- Look, there she goes.
Your grandpa and I are looking
forward to a nice, long visit with you.
Aces.
We certainly are.
See you a little later, darling.
We've got a lot to...
I swear to God,
this has got to be a joke.
Grandparents forgetting
a birthday?
They live for that shit.
D Put my arms around you dd
Well, well, if it isn't
Sammy Baker...
Davis, Junior.
Hi, Grandpa. Oh, I've got one for ya.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who, who?
Helen, we've got an owl
out here in the hall.
Oh, Fred, Fred,
leave her alone.
You'll make her tinkle.
Oh, come on, Helen.
Oh, Sam, let me
look at you.
Oh.
Fred, she's gotten
her boobies.
I'd better go get
my magnifying glass.
Oh, and they are
so perky!
I can't believe my grandmother
actually felt me up.
What's happenin',
hot stuff?
His name is
Long Duk Dong.
What?
Long Duk Dong.
He came down with
Grandma and Grandpa Baker.
He's an exchange student
that's living with them.
Yeah, well, he's totally bizarre.
He is not.
He is a very
sweet boy.
I just hope you burn the sheets
and mattresses after he leaves.
I don't suppose it makes
any difference to you,
but there's a very weird
Chinese guy up in Mike's room.
Ginny dumped Rudy.
He's her new fiancee.
Mike, stop it.
Sam, honey, do you think you could
help the grandmothers with supper?
Dad and I have to go to the club
for dinner with the Rice Chex.
Rizczechs.
Oh. Rizczechs.
Uh, do you think
that there's any reason...
that I should
possibly stay home tonight?
Well, it might be nice
if you'd visit...
with your grandparents
and Long Duk Dong.
Who?
The weird Chinese guy
in Mike's room. Oh.
- I think I have a dance to go to.
- Well, that's okay.
Oh, can you remember
to turn off the stove in 20 minutes?
I can remember lots of things.
This is the single
worst day of my entire life.
What the hell
are you bitchin' about?
I gotta sleep under some Chinaman
named after a duck's dork.
Well, where am I sleeping?
Sofa City, sweetheart.
Dd
Do you think Grandpa Fred's
going to embarrass me?
I don't know why not.
He does to everyone else.
He already asked me if Rudy
was the oily variety bohunk.
Is he?
Don't be cute.
I really love Rudy.
And he is totally
enamored of me.
I mean, I've had men
who've loved me before,
but not for six months
in a row.
I think I'm in love.
So how long have you been
in love, hmm?
Well, it hasn't
really happened yet.
So what's the deal?
I'm not sure
that he knows I exist.
Sam, I really don't
have time for this.
Well, I'm sorry.
I always listen to you talk
about your boyfriends.
Darling, is something
bothering you?
You're really acting like...
an asshole.
And I think
I know what it is.
I think you're jealous
that I'm getting married...
and that I'm getting
all the attention, hmm?
You know, everybody
in this family...
has just gone
totally Outer Limits.
No, Sam.
I think you're just being
a little selfish and immature.
Oh, yes. That's it.
That's exactly it.
Unbelievable.
You make someone a bridesmaid,
and they shit all over you.
Very clever dinner.
Appetizing food fit neatly
into interesting round pie.
- It's a quiche.
- Hmm. How do you spell?
Well, you don't spell it, son.
You eat it.
Dong has only been in
our country a short time, Fred.
- I think we could all help him assimilate.
- Oh.
Long Duk Dong is
about your age, Sam.
You two should have
a lot to chat about.
I love, uh, visiting
with Grandma and Grandpa...
and writing letters
to parents...
and pushing
lawn-mowing machine...
so Grandpa's hyena
don't get disturbed.
Hernia!
Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy.
He does the dishes and