I'll be a dumb-ass.
You already are.
Okay, where's Sam? Where's my briefcase?
Sam? Allow me, Brenda.
Hey, birth defect!
You missed breakfast again.
It wasn't my idea to give her
her own phone line.
Grab a doughnut.
It's small. It's brown.
It's made of leather.
It has my initials on it.
And I believe... that's it.
Don't forget the grandparents
are coming this afternoon.
Are we still having dinner with the
Rice Chex? Rizczechs. 8:00 at the club.
You'd better learn their names.
As of tomorrow, they're family.
That's a lovely thought. Hmm.
When it comes your turn to get
married, do me a favor. Elope.
Who'd marry her?
Mr. T.
I'm sorry, you'll have to buy lunch today.
I didn't have time to fix your carrots.
She's only eating carrots to
increase the size of her breasts.
Mister, you had better shape up, or
you will miss your sister's wedding.
Promise?
Now, don't give me
that pouty look of yours.
You can eat your carrots
when you get home.
That's it? You don't have
anything else to say to me today?
What would you like me
to say, Sam?
Come on now, honey.
You're gonna miss the bus.
Have a good day.
I can't believe this.
They fucking
forgot my birthday.
Dd
I'm sure they didn't
forget your birthday.
They just didn't remember it
right away. Same difference.
It's a drag your sweet 16's the
day before Ginny gets married.
But big deal. They'll remember.
Oh, easy for you to say.
Did anyone ever forget
your birthday? Come on, Sam.
Everything's getting shittier. My family
forgetting my birthday just makes it more vivid.
What do you expect,
a breakfast birthday party?
No, but they could have at least said "happy
birthday. " It was just like any other day.
Why don't you remind them?
They'll feel some massive guilt.
It could be highly profitable.
I wouldn't stoop
to remind them.
Since I was about 12, I've been
looking forward to my sweet 16.
You know, a big party and a band,
with tons of people. Tons of people.
And a big Trans Am in the
driveway with a ribbon around it.
And some incredibly gorgeous
guy that you meet in France.
And you do it on a cloud without
getting pregnant or herpes.
I don't need the cloud. Just a
pink Trans Am and the guy, right?
A black one.
A black guy?
A black Trans Am.
A pink guy.
Oh, no.
D To those nice, nice nights d
dl remember always always d
dl got such a fright d
dSeeing them in my dark cupboard d
d With my great big cake d
- dlf they were me
If they were me d
DAnd I was you
And I was you d
dlf they were me
If they were me d
dAnd I was you
And I was you d
dlf they were me
and I was you d
d Would you have liked
a present too d
dHappy, happy birthday
in a hot bath d
d To those nice, nice nights d
dl remember always always d
dl got such a fright d
dSeeing them in my dark cupboard d
d With my great big cake d
dlf they were me
If they were me d
dAnd I was you
And I was you d
dlf they were me
If they were me d
dAnd I was you
And I was you d
dlf they were me and I was you d
D Would you have liked
a present too d
dHappy birthday
Happy birthday d
dHappy birthday
Happy birthday d
dHappy birthday
Happy birthday d
dHappy birthday
Happy birthday d
DHappy birthday
Happy birthday d
dHappy birthday
Happy birthday dd
You swear to God, you don't have
it? I don't know anything about it.
Jennifer Woods gave me a sex
test during child development.
And I was supposed to do it and
pass it to you in independent study.
I'm totally screwed.
Did you put your name on it?
Hi. No, but it was
really embarrassing.
I had to name who I'd do
it with if I ever did it.
Who'd you name?
Jake Ryan. Jake Ryan? He
doesn't even know you exist.
Thank you. That's
a very