Rizczechs.
Oh. Rizczechs.
Uh, do you think
that there's any reason...
that I should
possibly stay home tonight?
Well, it might be nice
if you'd visit...
with your grandparents
and Long Duk Dong.
Who?
[Gong Clangs]
The weird Chinese guy
in Mike's room.
Oh.
- I think I have a dance to go to.
- Well, that's okay.
Oh, can you remember
to turn off the stove in 20 minutes?
I can remember lots of things.
[Chuckling]
[Sighing] This is the single
worst day of my entire life.
What the hell
are you bitchin' about?
I gotta sleep
under some Chinaman
named after a duck's dork.
Well, where am I sleeping?
Sofa City, sweetheart.
(music) [Heavy Metal]
Do you think Grandpa Fred's
going to embarrass me?
I don't know why not.
He does to everyone else.
He already asked me if Rudy
was the oily variety bohunk.
Is he?
Don't be cute.
I really love Rudy.
And he is totally
enamored of me.
I mean, I've had men
who've loved me before,
but not for six months
in a row.
I think I'm in love.
So how long have you been
in love, hmm?
Well, it hasn't
really happened yet.
So what's the deal?
I'm not sure
that he knows I exist.
Sam, I really don't
have time for this.
[Sighing]
Well, I'm sorry.
I always listen to you talk
about your boyfriends.
Darling, is something
bothering you?
You're really acting like...
an asshole.
And I think
I know what it is.
I think you're jealous
that I'm getting married...
and that I'm getting
all the attention, hmm?
[Sighing]
You know, everybody
in this family...
has just gone
totally Outer Limits.
No, Sam.
I think you're just being
a little selfish and immature.
[Sighing]
Oh, yes. That's it.
That's exactly it.
[Laughing]
Unbelievable.
You make someone a bridesmaid,
and they shit all over you.
[Gong Clangs]
Very clever dinner.
Appetizing food fit neatly
into interesting round pie.
- It's a quiche.
- Hmm. How do you spell?
Well, you don't spell it, son.
You eat it. [Guffawing]
Dong has only been in
our country a short time, Fred.
- I think we could all
help him assimilate.
- [Chortling] Oh.
[Dorothy]
Long Duk Dong is
about your age, Sam.
You two should have
a lot to chat about.
I love, uh, visiting
with Grandma and Grandpa...
and writing letters
to parents...
and pushing
lawn-mowing machine...
so Grandpa's hyena
don't get disturbed.
- Hernia!
- [Fred Chortling]
Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy.
He does the dishes
and helps with the laundry.
You betcha.
[All Chuckling]
May I be excused?
Where are you going?
I have a dance to go to...
at school.
It's a very important dance.
Uh, we're being graded on it...
for gym.
Wait a minute.
I have a wonderful idea.
Would you like to go
to the dance with Sam?
[Gong Clangs]
(music)
[Arguing, Indistinct]
I wonder if Jake’s here.
I don't think it's healthy
to get jacked about some guy
that isn't a thing yet.
Yeah, when you don't have
anything, you don't have
anything to lose, right?
That's a cheerful thought.
Let's go make
ourselves available.
(music)["Peter Gunn']
[Kids Chattering]
That's the one, dude.
Scope it out.
She doesn't look
like a freshman.
Sophomore, dude. Sophomore.
Fully aged sophomore meat.
[Sonar Pinging]
We do the bus
together.
You talk to her?
Talk? Dude, I have
a relationship with her.
Get out.
Figure to, like,
17 digits.
You are such a liar.
We'll see about that,
my man.
By night's end, I predict
me and her will interface.
(music)[Slow, Romantic]
(music)Ahh (music)
(music)Ahh (music)
(music)I know this (music)
(music)Much is true (music)
(music)Ahh (music)
(music)I know this... (music)
Check it out,
Wease.
Pretty intense, huh?
Over.
To the max. Over.
- [Gasping]
- All right.
(music)[New Wave Rock]
I knew you'd come around.
Whoa.
Christ.
Crank that, sister!
[Music] Whoa [music]
Very hot. Very hot.
This night... This night
is happenin'.
[Music] Whoa, whoa, whoa (music)
I'm blowing your mind,
aren't I?
I'm