Clangs]
What?
Long Duk Dong.
He came down with
Grandma and Grandpa Baker.
He's an exchange student
that's living with them.
Yeah, well, he's totally bizarre.
He is not.
He is a very
sweet boy.
I just hope you burn the sheets
and mattresses after he leaves.
I don't suppose it makes
any difference to you,
but there's
a very weird Chinese guy
up in Mike's room.
Ginny dumped Rudy.
He's her new fiancйe.
[Brenda]
Mike, stop it.
Sam, honey,
do you think you could help
the grandmothers with supper?
Dad and I have to go to the club
for dinner with the Rice Chex.
Rizczechs.
Oh. Rizczechs.
Uh, do you think
that there's any reason...
that I should
possibly stay home tonight?
Well, it might be nice
if you'd visit...
with your grandparents
and Long Duk Dong.
Who?
[Gong Clangs]
The weird Chinese guy
in Mike's room.
Oh.
- I think I have a dance to go to.
- Well, that's okay.
Oh, can you remember
to turn off the stove in 20 minutes?
I can remember lots of things.
[Chuckling]
[Sighing] This is the single
worst day of my entire life.
What the hell
are you bitchin' about?
I gotta sleep
under some Chinaman
named after a duck's dork.
Well, where am I sleeping?
Sofa City, sweetheart.
##[Heavy Metal]
Do you think Grandpa Fred's
going to embarrass me?
I don't know why not.
He does to everyone else.
He already asked me if Rudy
was the oily variety bohunk.
Is he?
Don't be cute.
I really love Rudy.
And he is totally
enamored of me.
I mean, I've had men
who've loved me before,
but not for six months
in a row.
I think I'm in love.
So how long have you been
in love, hmm?
Well, it hasn't
really happened yet.
So what's the deal?
I'm not sure
that he knows I exist.
Sam, I really don't
have time for this.
[Sighing]
Well, I'm sorry.
I always listen to you talk
about your boyfriends.
Darling, is something
bothering you?
You're really acting like...
an asshole.
And I think
I know what it is.
I think you're jealous
that I'm getting married...
and that I'm getting
all the attention, hmm?
[Sighing]
You know, everybody
in this family...
has just gone
totally Outer Limits.
No, Sam.
I think you're just being
a little selfish and immature.
[Sighing]
Oh, yes. That's it.
That's exactly it.
[Laughing]
Unbelievable.
You make someone a bridesmaid,
and they shit all over you.
[Gong Clangs]
Very clever dinner.
Appetizing food fit neatly
into interesting round pie.
- It's a quiche.
- Hmm. How do you spell?
Well, you don't spell it, son.
You eat it. [Guffiawing]
Dong has only been in
our country a short time, Fred.
- I think we could all
help him assimilate.
- [Chortling] Oh.
[Dorothy]
Long Duk Dong is
about your age, Sam.
You two should have
a lot to chat about.
I love, uh, visiting
with Grandma and Grandpa...
and writing letters
to parents...
and pushing
lawn-mowing machine...
so Grandpa's hyena
don't get disturbed.
- Hernia!
- [Fred Chortling]
Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy.
He does the dishes
and helps with the laundry.
You betcha.
[All Chuckling]
May I be excused?
Where are you going?
I have a dance to go to...
at school.
It's a very important dance.
Uh, we're being graded on it...
for gym.
Wait a minute.
I have a wonderful idea.
Would you like to go
to the dance with Sam?
[Gong Clangs]
##
[Arguing, Indistinct]
I wonder ifJake's here.
I don't think it's healthy
to get jacked about some guy
that isn't a thing yet.
Yeah, when you don't have
anything, you don't have
anything to lose, right?
That's a cheerful thought.
Let's go make
ourselves available.
##["Peter Gunn'"]
[Kids Chattering]
That's the one, dude.
Scope it out.
She doesn't look
like a freshman.
Sophomore, dude. Sophomore.
Fully aged

------------------------------
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