swear to God, this has got to be a joke.
Grandparents forgetting
a birthday?
They live for that shit.
[Toilet Flushing]
~ Put my arms around you ~~
Well, well, if it isn't
Sammy Baker...
Davis, Junior.
[Chortling]
Hi, Grandpa. Oh, I've got one for ya.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who, who?
Helen, we've got an owl out
here in the hall. [Chortling]
Oh, Fred, Fred,
leave her alone.
You'll make her tinkle. Oh, come on, Helen.
Oh, Sam, let me
look at you.
Oh.
Fred, she's gotten
her boobies.
[Fred Chortling] I'd better go get my magnifying glass.
Oh, and they are
so perky!
[Sighing] I can't believe my
grandmother actually felt me up.
[Gong Clangs]
What's happenin',
hot stuff?
His name is Long Duk Dong. [Gong Clangs]
What?
Long Duk Dong.
He came down with
Grandma and Grandpa Baker.
He's an exchange student
that's living with them.
Yeah, well, he's totally bizarre.
He is not.
He is a very
sweet boy.
I just hope you burn the sheets
and mattresses after he leaves.
I don't suppose it makes
any difference to you,
but there's a very weird Chinese guy up in Mike's room.
Ginny dumped Rudy.
He's her new fiancee.
[Brenda]
Mike, stop it.
Sam, honey, do you think you could
help the grandmothers with supper?
Dad and I have to go to the club
for dinner with the Rice Chex.
Rizczechs.
Oh. Rizczechs.
Uh, do you think
that there's any reason...
that I should
possibly stay home tonight?
Well, it might be nice
if you'd visit...
with your grandparents
and Long Duk Dong.
Who?
[Gong Clangs]
The weird Chinese guy in Mike's room. Oh.
- I think I have a dance to go to.
- Well, that's okay.
Oh, can you remember
to turn off the stove in 20 minutes?
I can remember lots of things.
[Chuckling]
[Sighing] This is the single
worst day of my entire life.
What the hell
are you bitchin' about?
I gotta sleep under some Chinaman
named after a duck's dork.
Well, where am I sleeping?
Sofa City, sweetheart.
~~ [Heavy Metal]
Do you think Grandpa Fred's
going to embarrass me?
I don't know why not.
He does to everyone else.
He already asked me if Rudy
was the oily variety bohunk.
Is he?
Don't be cute.
I really love Rudy.
And he is totally
enamored of me.
I mean, I've had men
who've loved me before,
but not for six months
in a row.
I think I'm in love.
So how long have you been
in love, hmm?
Well, it hasn't
really happened yet.
So what's the deal?
I'm not sure
that he knows I exist.
Sam, I really don't
have time for this.
[Sighing]
Well, I'm sorry.
I always listen to you talk
about your boyfriends.
Darling, is something
bothering you?
You're really acting like...
an asshole.
And I think
I know what it is.
I think you're jealous
that I'm getting married...
and that I'm getting
all the attention, hmm?
[Sighing] You know, everybody in this family...
has just gone
totally Outer Limits.
No, Sam.
I think you're just being
a little selfish and immature.
[Sighing]
Oh, yes. That's it.
That's exactly it.
[Laughing]
Unbelievable.
You make someone a bridesmaid,
and they shit all over you.
[Gong Clangs]
Very clever dinner.
Appetizing food fit neatly
into interesting round pie.
- It's a quiche.
- Hmm. How do you spell?
Well, you don't spell it, son.
You eat it. [Guffawing]
Dong has only been in
our country a short time, Fred.
- I think we could all help him
assimilate. - [Chortling] Oh.
[Dorothy] Long Duk Dong is about your age, Sam.
You two should have
a lot to chat about.
I love, uh, visiting
with Grandma and Grandpa...
and writing letters
to parents...
and pushing
lawn-mowing machine...
so Grandpa's hyena
don't get disturbed.
- Hernia!
- [Fred Chortling]
Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy.
He does the dishes and helps
with the laundry. You betcha.
[All Chuckling]
May I be excused?
Where are you