No, why should you?
Natural leaders
are rarely encumbered with intelligence.
Greed, egotism, animal cunning and viciousness
are the important attributes.
Qualities I detect in you
in admirably full measure.
I didn't come here to be flattered.
You came out of curiosity
and because you scented
there might be something in it for you.
Am I right?
Close enough.
Now, then, Avon,
what would you say
if I offered you mastery of the galaxy?
I would say thank you.
For a whole galaxy?
Come on, Avon, show the man some gratitude.
You think my mind is addled?
No, no, it's just we don't get offered galaxies
every day of the week.
Pinder, prepare the demonstration.
Do you know anything about tachyons?
Theoretical particles
that travel faster than the speed of light.
They are not theoretical anymore.
Come, I'll show you.
This is a tachyon funnel.
I realised the potential of such a machine
during my early research
into the behaviour of parallel matter.
It has taken me half a lifetime to build.
- What does it do?
- It destroys things.
Instantly and completely and at any range.
It is the ultimate engine of destruction.
EGRORIAN: You are now looking at
a lunar satellite of Porthodos,
which is in the next constellation to this one,
some 17 light years distant.
That is our target, and this is the destruct button.
EGRORIAN: Now, Avon, what do you say?
Perhaps the idea of ruling the galaxy
doesn't seem quite so absurd.
Why are you offering it to us?
Because I want
to see the Federation crushed, Avon,
and you would do it ruthlessly.
With a weapon like that
you can destroy it yourself.
Simply destroying it is not enough.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
It must be replaced
by another command structure.
As leader of the anti-Federation alliance,
you will be in a position
to take over the channels of command,
something of which I have no interest,
let alone ability.
Then what are you getting out of it?
Satisfaction. Revenge.
Do you imagine I wanted
to spend the prime of my years
in this grinding desolation?
No, it was those jealous parvenus
of the Science Board,
resentful of my success and my achievement
who forced me to abscond.
They voted against funding
my tachyon-funnel project,
and so I want to see them brought low,
I want to see them rot!
I can fix that. I'll personally nail them to posts
and send you the pictures.
Thank you, Vila.
EGRORIAN: But when the Federation is broken,
I shall return to Earth to continue my work.
Oh! There's one other thing I'd like from you.
- Yes?
- Orac.
Sorry. That computer is a vital part of our defence.
It keeps us one step ahead of the Federation.
But with the tachyon funnel
you won't need a defence. Come now.
The ultimate computer
in exchange for the ultimate weapon.
Why do you want Orac?
Because I have other projects under development.
It would be an invaluable help.
I've no doubt I could design an Orac myself,
but duplicating the work of others
is a waste of time. I've got much to do.
- Avon, it's got to be a good deal.
- I know.
Listen, all we have to do
is point this thing at somebody's head.
We can have anything we want. Anything!
- Checkmate, Egrorian!
- How dare you!
Checkmate! Checkmate!
Recall the last six moves.
How can you tell the king from the queen?
What? You miserable little cheat!
Can you feel your extensor muscle tearing?
Can you feel your humerus
grating against your radius?
Just a little more, a little more.
Now you're feeling it, aren't you?
All right, Egrorian, it's a deal.
I'm so pleased.
Tarrant, we've got a heat flare
on the ground observation screen.
- It could be the shuttle.
- Or a missile.
Here, keep a scan on.
Sir, your most illustrious colleague, Avon,
wishes to communicate.
Yes, Avon.
Tarrant, we're coming up. Bring the
ship down to rendezvous with us at 300 miles.
On our way.
- It certainly takes some getting used to.
- What does?
Knowing we've finally cracked it.
- All I