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- 01-09

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to put those
boxes in the garage.
Dad, what's all this?
It's junk.
My computers. I've been selling them
for two months now. Shut up!
You're selling computers?
Two months ago,
I saw a provocative movie
on cable TV.
It was called The Net, with
that girl from the bus.
I did a little reading, and I realize,
it wasn't that farfetched.
Dad, you know what it takes
to compete with Microsoft and   IBM?
Yes, I do. That's why I got
a secret weapon... my son.
Damn it, they gave me cream!
I asked for nonfat milk!
I think they have 1% over there.
1%?! They can kiss 1% of my ass!
OK, Jerry, enough.
I'm not buying it.
You're damn right you're not buying it!
You shouldn't have to try.
It's just being open.
I'm open. There's just nothing
in there.
Oh, you think I'm lying about this?
I think you are.
Well, I'm not.
Yes, you are, liar.
Oh, stop it.
OK, liar.
That's enough!
Ooh, that was good.
Really? It felt good.
Congratulations, Mr. Lippman.
Oh, Elaine. My boy's a man today
Can you believe it? He's a man.
I'm a man!
Wow! I didn't try
that 'til I was 23.
Well this kid's not just a man.
He's a man's man.
And I think he's been
telling his friends.
I got invitations to
six more Bar Mitzvahs.
Hello? Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld.
No, no, no, I do not want to
stop over in Cincinnati.
Well, then you upgrade me.
That's right, you should thank me.
Hey, I'm flyin' first class.
Where did that come from?
Patty showed me how to get mad.
You gotta problem with that?
All right, relax, tough guy.
I got to go out to my father's
garage, help him sell some computers.
What? The two of you workin' in that
garage is like a steel cage death match.
What-what are you doing?
Oh, I'm putting up Frank's screen door.
This beauty's got a
little life in her yet.
What do you need it for?
he cool evening breezes of Anytown, USA.
Let's see how this baby closes.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Morning, ma.
You're late!
Morning, dad.
I'm not 'dad' in the workplace.
My professional name is Mr. Costanza
and I will refer to you
as 'Costanza'. Morning, Braun.
Morning, George.
Two cream, no sugar.
What is Lloyd Braun doing here?
Your mother recommended him.
Yeah, of course she did.
That's all I ever heard growing up
is 'Why can't you be
more like Lloyd Braun?'
Did you know he was in a mental institution?
I didn't read his resume.
Another sale, Mr. Costanza.
Chalk me up on the big board.
What is this?
This is your lagging. Good work, Braun.
Good for you, Lloyd!
So Adam, I just talked to your father,
and, apology
I'm not apologizing. It was great.
I told everyone.
Yeah, I know. Uh, by the way,
could you do me a favor
and tell Mitchell
Tanenbaum that I will be
unable to attend this Saturday.
Are you free Friday night?
I am, but that is not the point.
You are thirteen, and I am
in my early... 20s.
But I'm a man. The rabbi said so.
No. You are not a man.
It takes a *long* time to become
a man.
I mean, half my friends
aren't even there yet.
Well, if I'm not a man, then this
whole thing was a sham!
First,they said I was gonna get great
gifts, and then, somebody gives me
I renounce my religion!
Who wants cookies?
As of this moment, I am no
longer Jewish. I quit!
Walnuts, mmmmmm.
You're late again, Costanza,
so listen up.
Starting tonight, we're
having a little sales contest.
The loser gets fired, the winner
gets a Waterpik.
You're not giving away our Waterpik!
Serenity now!
You know what?
It doesn't matter, because I quit!
I guess your mother was right
You never could compete
with Lloyd Braun!
You wanna sell computers?
I will show *you* how to sell computers!
Hello, Mr. Farneman. You wanna buy
a computer? No? Why not?
All right, I see! Good answer!
Thank you!
Serenity now!
Adam, you don't become a man
overnight. Look at your father.
It takes time. Patience, experience.
Uh, several careers of varying
 -  01-09  -  01-09

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