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/ - 01-09

- 01-09

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George took it into the bathroom
with him and--
Everyone clear!
Biohazard coming through!
Clear! Clear!
May I ask, what do you
read in the bathroom?
I don't read in the bathroom.
Well, aren't you something?
Elaine, do you have a moment?
It's about your lover.
Oh yes. I know all about
his little performance in the break room.
Who among us hasn't snuck into the break room
to nibble on a love newton?
Love newton?
I'm afraid
the problem with Zach is more serious.
He's back on the horse, Elaine.
Smack. White palace.
The Chinaman's nightcap.
An addict?
Well, it just keeps getting better!
And, in a tiny way,
I almost feel responsible.
I'm the one who sent him to Thailand,
in search of low-cost whistles.
Filled his head with pseudoerotic tales
of my own Opium excursions.
Plus I have him some phone numbers of
places he could score near the hotel.
Look, uh, Mr. Peterman,
the fact is that
I was planning on
breaking up with Zach anyway.
He was cheating on me!
Damn it, Elaine.
That wasn't Zach.
That was the yam-yam.
Now, he is going cold turkey.
And you will be at his side.
Oh. Well, you know,
I had planned to, uh-
No buts, Elaine.
Or I will strip you
of your "associate" status.
Uh, P.S.:
the first 24 hours are the worst.
Better bring a poncho.
It was a crime of passion.
If anyone betrays me, I never forget.
He won't last a day in prison.
Answer that damn phone!
Hey, it's me.
Uncle Leo?
Oh, that's nice.
What are you up to?
Nightmares. You?
My fake boyfriend
is going through real withdrawals.
I'm burning up!
Eat your soup!
You're not feeding him, are you?
I told you, away from the curtains.
Use your bucket.
There you go, that's it.
You know what? I gotta go.
Hey, buddy.
I thought I heard you.
Get out of here!
There you are.
Will everybody please leave?!
I just heard that a postman
spotted a rickshaw down in Battery Park.
Our rickshaw?
It's entirely possible.
I want everyone out!
Let's talk in Jerry's kitchen.
I'll make some cocoa.
Good night, Jerry.
Good night, Newman.
There it is!
Oh, there you are.
Oh, do I get the job?
Yeah, yeah. We'll get back to you.
Let's get this baby home.
You know, when you think about it,
it's kind of silly for us both to
pull this thing all the way back uptown.
I mean, after all,
it is a conveyance.
Yes, that's true.
So, which one of us is gonna pull?
Well, there's only one way
to settle this.
One spot, two spot, zig, zag, tear,
pop-die, pennygot, tennyum, tear,
harum, scare 'em,
rip 'em, tear 'em,
tay, taw, toe...
Best two out of three?
One spot, two spot...
Hey, boy. Smooth it out up there.
Too much jostling!
So, you want to donate this to charity?
Well, I assume
there's some sort of write-off.
What's the value of the book?
Uh, about two hundred dollars,
Miss DeMooney.
It's DeMornay.
Rebecca DeMornay.
Oh, wait a second.
This book has been in the bathroom.
What are you talking about?
That - that's ridiculous.
It's been flagged.
I know.
I used to work in a Brentano's.
Mister, we're trying to
help the homeless here.
It's bad enough that we have some nut out there
trying to strap them to a rickshaw!
Alright, I, I'll just take fifty.
Do we have a deal?
Yeah, and here it is:
You get your toilet book out of here,
and I won't jump over this counter
and punch you in the brain!
I could take it in merchandise...
Here I come...
So, this book'll tell me
how to get puke out of cashmere?
So, the worst is over?
Now I can break up with him.
He's clean,
and I'm the office hero.
Seems like you're better
at fake relationships than real ones.
Yeah, huh. I even got an idea out of it.
The Detox Poncho.
See ya.
I'd like to speak with the manager, please.
Mind your pace, Boy.
Chop, chop!
Oh, I can't go on.
I gotta take a break.
Well, don't tarry.
 -  01-09  -  01-09

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