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- 01-09

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could also have sex with her.
And somehow, that would be exactly what I always wanted.
She doesn't even look like Jerry!
You know I really do look a lot like your friend Jerry.
I know.
Thanks for watching Nine News.
We leave you tonight with a scene
from Sally Weaver's one woman show.
OK, so I go to meet Jerry Seinfeld
at this horrible coffee shop, right?
And he's like,
"Hey, stop doing your show!"
And I'm like,
"Hello! It's a free country!"
So then he goes,
"Okay, Shmootsie."
And he starts
pulling at my sweater, right?
He's getting all, you know,
Hands Across America.
There really was shmootz!
I didn't try and grab her!
And this is what he looks like
when he is eating.
Get out of my house!
Well boys, I did it.
I had to stay up all night,
but I finally came up
with a great New Yorker cartoon.
I've stayed up all night,
I fix myself up a little before I go out.
That is not the point.
Some mouthwash,
a hat, something.
Just read it!
glances at it Pretty good.
Pretty good? Wha--
This is a gem!
Kramer, look at it!
What?
It's funny!
It's a pig
at a complaint department.
Yeah, and he's saying,
"I wish I was taller"!
See? That's his complaint.
I get it.
Do you?
Because that's not a normal complaint.
How 'bout if it was something like,
"I can't find my receipt.
My place is a sty."
Everything with you
has to be so jokey.
I'm a comedian.
"I wish I was taller", that's--
nice. That's real.
Well, I got a complaint.
This cartoon stinks.
I'll tell you
who doesn't think it stinks.
The New Yorker.
That's right.
They're publishing it in their next issue.
Oh! You know what?
I just ran into Newman in the hall.
He said you tried to grope Sally Weaver?
That's it.
I'm gonna put an end to this.
Wha--
The pig says,
"My wife is a slut"?
Now that's a complaint.
Hello Sally.
Yeah, this is Jerry.
I just wanted to leave you a message
to let you know
I caught your little piece on TV, and...
...I'm getting a little tired
of hearing about how horrible I am,
and I would appreciate it if you would
leave me out of your act all together.
That's it.
I'm calling in the big guns.
"To cease and desist on behalf of
my client, Jerry Seinfeld."
Crybaby Jerry Seinfeld's Lawyer.
OK, well, I got two words for you,
Jerry Seinfeld:
---- you!
How could she say that on TV?
And how did she get a cable special? I 've never gotten a cable special!
Well, that's it.
I'm not giving her any more material.
We are incomunicado.
Exactly.
Check it out,
from the new issue of the New Yorker.
It's funny, isn't it?
Look at it.
The pig wants to be taller.
And what's this guy gonna say, huh?
Nothin'!
Elaine, I'm afraid
I have incurred yet another flat tire.
Can I fix that after lunch, sir?
Oh, no. Right away, chop chop.
Oh! a new cartoon.
"I wish I was taller."
I'd like to see
that complaint get rectified.
You see? See?
Smart people think this is funny.
And you want to know why?
'Cause I wrote it.
You shouldn't make fun of pigs.
Flash of lightning, Elaine.
I just realized why I like this cartoon so much.
Oh! Do tell, sir?
It's a Ziggy!
A Ziggy?
That irreverence, that wit!
I'd recognize it anywhere.
Some charlatan has stolen a Ziggy
and passed it off as his own.
I can prove it.
Quick Elaine, to my archives.
You know what's great
about our relationship?
It's not about looks.
It's not?
No. It can't be.
OK.
For instance I remember, when we first met
we had a great conversation.
I remember you said
I was the prettiest girl at the party.
But then after that
we really talked, didn't we?
Well, you told me how familiar I looked,
and that you must have seen me somewhere before.
This relationship
has got to be about something,
and fast,
or I'm in very serious and weird trouble.
What else happened?
You asked for a piece of gum because
you thought your breath smelled like hummus.
All right, yes!
Gum!
Good enough.
I'll take it.
I like
 -  01-09  -  01-09

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