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- 01-09

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apologize for standing
me up five years ago.
- Why now?
A.A. It's one of the Twelve Steps.
Step number Nine is you have to
apologize to anyone
you've ever wronged.
Ho ho ho ho! I can't wait for
Hanke to come crawling back to me.
Still with the neck hole?
- Still upset. Very upset.
What neck hole?
Remember that New Year's
party he threw a few years ago? He
had that very drafty apartment, you
know, I think on Ninth Avenue.
Faster.
I asked if I could borrow a sweater.
A cashmere sweater.
- I said
preferably cashmere, , for warmth.
So in front of the
whole party, he says, 'No. I
don't want you
stretching out the neck hole.'
Oh, yeah, sure, laugh it
up. Everybody else did!
Well, it's funny. I
mean, you have a big head.
Or is it 'cause of your neck?
No, I think the head does
most of the stretching.
Regardless. I had to walk
around for the rest
of the party in some cheap
Metlife windbreaker.
Now, it is payback time.
I really think it's the size
of your neck.
- It's my head!
Isn't this great? With
those nerds in accounting
moved, you and I are the
only ones who use this bathroom.
Yeah. Great.
You went to the
coffee shop without me? I told
ya, I just wanted to hop in the shower.
That was an hour ago. What were
you doing in there?
- Showering.
How long does it take
you?
- Ten minutes.
Ten minutes? That's kooky talk.
Hey Elaine, how long do
you spend in the shower?
Ten minutes.
- Let me smell
you.
- All right. Whiff away.
Uh... that's not bad at
all.
- Hup! That's it.
So get this. I'm in
the bathroom at work today,
and I see Peggy using a seat protector.
So?
- So... we're the
only women on the floor.
I mean, we're like roommates.
Would-would
you use a seat
protector if you had a roommate?
I think the damage is
probably already done.
All right! I'll get that. Well, maybe
she just practices good hygiene.
Yeah, you're
probably right. She's probably
one of those neurotic clean freaks.
Well, here's my shower routine.
Maybe I can make some changes.
Get  wash cloth mittens and maybe some
liquid soap, and
just... -pop- focus!
Zephyr? That is not a word.
Do you challenge?
- No, I do not challenge.
66 points. Ha ha.
I'd accuse you of cheating, but I
don't know where you'd hide the tiles.
You want some more ice tea?
- Sure.
Wrong  pipe.
So she coughed.
- Coughing... naked...
It's a turn-off, man.
Everything goes with naked.
When you cough, there are thousands of
unseen muscles that suddenly
spring into action.
It's like watching that fat guy catch a
cannonball in his
stomach in slow motion.
Oh, you spoiled, spoiled man.
Do you now how much mental
energy I expend
just trying to picture women naked?
But the thing you don't realize is
that there's good naked and bad naked.
Naked hair brushing, good; naked
crouching, bad. Hey, there's Hanke.
All right. It's grovel
time.
- Hey, George. Jerry.
Listen, I just got sober, so I've
been going through the Twelve Steps.
What are you up to now, uh, Step Nine?
Yeah. Making amends.
- Important step.
Maybe the most important.
Anyway, uh, Jerry, you
know, this may sound dumb, but,
you know, when we first met
I thought your name was Gary.
And, I think I may even have
called you Gary a couple of times, and...
I don't know if you noticed, but I always
felt bad about it, so, I'm sorry.
Thank you. I did notice, and
I appreciate you rectifying it.
Great. Great. Well,
I'll see you guys later.
Well, I just got out
of a 27-minute shower.
I made some good cuts, and I
didn't lose anything I needed.
Yeah, I think what I
kept is even stronger now.
You got some suds over here.
Wha...? Oh, man! Geez!
Look at that! I'm all lathery. Jerry,
you got to show me
what I'm doing wrong.
Oh, come on!
- No, I
mean it, man. I'm lost!
You promise you'll
never come in here again?
Oh, Jerry, you know I can't do that.
Now my sense of it is that
you're probably wasting time
working piecemeal,
 -  01-09  -  01-09

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