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- 01-09

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about the toys.
I gave her the wrong kind of medicine,
and I guess she passed out!
What do you mean "wrong kind of medicine"?
She's even got
that old Mattel football game that we love!
Oh, come on! You gotta get me over there!
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
You mean to say that you drugged a woman
so you could take advantage of her toys?
Let's pause a moment.
Jerry, now, what you do
with your personal life is your business,
but when you're on my set -
you clean it up, mister!
I told you he was a risk.
Oh, like he's not just carrying you!
And has been for years!
Yeah? Well, you bombed!
That story stunk worse than these chairs!
Smile, everyone!
We're back!
You wanted to see me, Elaine?
Yes, Lou.
You've got a lot going for you.
You're, ... um ... you're spontaneous.
You're symmetrical.
You're...
You're very quick, aren't ya?
It's just that your...
My dead tooth?
No. Your -
My breath?
Ugh.
What can I do?
Well, you should never ever go anywhere -
without these.
Thanks, Elaine.
You're such a super lady!
More wine and turkey?
So when I saw George on the street
with an 18 pound turkey and a giant box of wine,
I thought, what a coincidence.
We're just about to eat.
What is that stuff in turkey
that makes you sleepy?
Triptophan.
... I think.
Have some more wine.
What video did you get?
Oh, George brought
home movies of his boyhood trip to Michigan.
Four hours.
More heavy gravy?
Yes! Touch down!
Your turn, Jerry.
Lately though, I've been buying
the generic brand of waxed beans.
I rip of the label.
I can hardly tell the difference.
Well, we've officially bottomed out.
Who's our next guest?
We've got no one!
We need a new format.
We should shut down and re-tool.
What about a guest-host?
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Doctor, how's the squirrel?
Is he dead?
No.
Fortunately, the special tiny instruments
arrived just in time.
Would you like to visit him?
Yes he would.
You have 30 minutes.
So, uh...
squirrel...
One more thing, Mister Costanza.
We just need to know
what time you'll be picking him up tomorrow.
What's that?
Oh, we're discharging the squirrel.
We think he'll be better off at home.
He has no home.
He's a squirrel.
Your home, Mister Costanza.
Just make sure he gets his medicine 6x a day
and keep his tail elevated.
Maybe it'll be fun having a pet.
It's not a pet!
It's a wild invalid!
And it knows that I tried to kill it.
As soon as it gets better,
it's gonna gnaw my brain out in my sleep!
Jerry, what are you doing tomorrow?
I want you to come by the set.
What about my "questionable material"?
Nope, we got a whole new format.
Edgy, youthful,
plus we got Jim Fowler!
Jim Fowler?
The animal guy from "Wild Kingdom"
is coming to your apartment?
Well, I practically raised his kids.
That's perfect!
He's a zoo guy!
He take's care of animals.
Can I bring the squirrel by?
What?
Two animal acts on the same show?
What is this, amateur hour?
Look, George, I'm sorry, but
maybe another time, all right?
I gotta get to Fowler.
I know he would take this squirrel off my hands.
It's practically bionic!
Hey!
Nice sidle, huh?
Speaking of which,
I think I've got that problem solved.
Tic-tacs worked?
He's a human maraca.
Boy, my knuckles are still cramped
from that football game.
You took him over to Celia's?
What?
It's a victimless crime.
What about the woman
who's been drugged and taken advantage of?
Okay, one victim.
I think it's unconscionable.
Last night I found a whole Weeble Village
right behind the EZ Bake oven.
EZ Bake oven?
Who wants cupcake?
Oh, me, me, me, me, me!
You know, that batter is
like 30 years old.
Why is your father giving
a tour of a rest stop?
Oh, don't look.
This is the part where they change me.
You're like eight years old.
I was seven and a half.
That noise.
That's the noise!
What?
That infernal rattling sound
that has plagued me these past two days.
And I could not find the source.
 -  01-09  -  01-09

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