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/ - 01-09

- 01-09

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And these are things
I look for in a man.
Well, that does me a lot of
good. 'Early 20s'!
Well, I'm sorry, sir, I tried.
So, that's the type of guy
you're looking for?
Uhh. I guess so. Why?
What is this?
Anytown, U.S.A. Hello?
Is Kramer home? Oh, hey.
Hello, neighbor.
Boy, those azaleas are really
coming in nicely.
Oh, you gotta mulch. You've got to.
You barbecuing tonight?
Right after the fireworks.
So, where do you want to eat tonight?
How about La Caridad again?
Again!? How much flan
can a person eat!?
Jerry, you've been yelling
at me all afternoon.
Well, I don't think more flan
is the answer!
Maybe I should just leave.
Double good-bye!
Hey, buddy!
Hey. Happy New Year!
Y'all come back reeeaall...
Did you and Patty just break up?
Yeah! In fact, she broke up with me!
And I don't want to talk about it!
Well, then you're free tonight.
You know what, I heard about
this great place called La Caridad.
That's the last thing she said to me.
She wanted to go there also,
but I wasn't in the mood.
Whoa. What is the matter?
It's Patty.
Jerry, you break up with
a girl every week.
What-what is this salty discharge?
Oh my God. You're crying.
This is horrible! I care!
Patty won't call me back.
I don't know if I can live without her.
She's really gotten to you,
hasn't she?
I don't know what's happening to me.
Simple. You let out one emotion,
all the rest will come  with it.
It's like Endora's box.
That was the mother on
Bewitched. You mean Pandora.
Yeah, well, she... had one, too.
Jerry, can I talk to you for a second?
That's it, that's it!
I warned you kids. I told you not
to play in front of my house.
This time, I'm keepin' it. And you're not
getting back your rock either!
Are you still down in
the dumps? Come on.
It's just a chick.
You ever heard of a little thing
called feelings?
Well, I got just the thing
to cheer you up. A computer!
Huh? We can check porn,
and stock quotes.
Porn quotes... I'm so lucky to have
a friend like you, George.
Ever  tell you how much I love you?
I love you, George. Come here.
I-I'm already here.
I'm here. I'm here.
Uh, you know what?
If you want a computer,
call me. I-I gotta go.
Go wherever you want.
I'm still gonna love you.
Look what they did. Look what
they did to my house!
I turn my back for two seconds,
and they put shaving
cream all over my door.
You, I see
you! I'll teach these kids a lesson.
Where's that house I put
under your sink?
Hose under my sink.
I love *you*, Kramer!
I love you, too, buddy, and George
I don't want to hear it, Kramer!
Listen, when I give you the signal,
I want you to turn this
water on full blast.
What signal? What-what signal?
I'll yell, uh, 'Hoochie mama!'
If I do it, will you buy a computer?
On the signal, George. On the signal.
Only if you buy. I gotta make a sale.
I love you, Costanza.
Will you shut up?!
Now! Now, George!
Turn on the faucet!
George, turn on the faucet!
Hoochie mama! Hoochie mama!
So now the *other* Lippman kissed me.
Well, sure.
Well, sure. They're Jewish, and you're
a shiksa.  What?
It means a non-Jewish woman.
I know what it means,
but what does being a shiksa
have to do with it?
You've got 'shiksappeal'.
Jewish men love the idea of meeting
a woman that's not like their mother.
Oh, that's insane.
I'll tell you what's insane:
the price that I could get you
on a new desktop computer.
I am not buying a computer from you.
There's porn.
Even so.
Damn it!
Don't get me wrong, Mr. Lippman.
I-I'm very flattered that
you found me attractive enough to...
lunge at me. Huh. But the only reason
you like me is because I'm a shiksa.
That's simply not true.
If you weren't Jewish, you
wouldn't be interested in me.
You are wrong. I'll prove it.
Oh, no. Don't!
I renounce Judaism!
Oy vey!
What happened to you, pal?
Joey Zanfino and some
of the neighborhood kids.
They ambushed me
with a box of '
 -  01-09  -  01-09

- 4
- / Dauria

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