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Самолётом, поездом и автомобилем

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started
reading the vomit bag?
Didn't that give you a clue, like
maybe this guy's not enjoying it?
Everything is not an anecdote.
You have to discriminate.
You choose things that are funny
or mildly amusing or interesting.
You're a miracle.
Your stories have none of that.
They're not even
amusing accidentally.
"Honey, I'd like you to meet Del,
he's got some amusing anecdotes. "
"And here's a gun to blow your brains
out, you'll thank me for it!"
I- I could tolerate
any... any insurance seminar.
For days I could listen to them
go on and on
with a big smile on my face.
They'd say, "How can you stand it?"
And I'd say, "I've been with
Del Griffith. I can take anything. "
You know what they'd say?
"I know what you mean.
The shower curtain ring guy. "
It's like going on a date
with a Chatty Cathy doll.
I expect you have a string on your
chest that I have to pull out.
Except I wouldn't pull it out.
You would.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
And when you're telling
these stories,
here's a good idea... have a point.
It makes it much more
interesting for the listener.
You want to hurt me?
Go ahead,
if it makes you feel better.
I'm an easy target.
Yeah, you're right, I talk too much.
I also listen too much.
I could be a cold-hearted cynic
like you,
but I don't like
to hurt people's feelings.
Well, think what you want about me.
I'm not changing.
I like... I like me.
My wife likes me.
My customers like me.
Cos I'm the real article.
What you see is what you get.
# I'm back in baby's arms
# How I missed those lovin' arms
# I am back where I belong
# Back in baby's arms
# Don't know why we quarrelled
# We never did before
# Since we found out... #
Del.
Hmm? Hmm?
Why did you kiss my ear?
Why are you holding my hand?
Where's your other hand?
Between two pillows.
Those aren't pillows!
Grr! Whoo!
Oof! Hoo!
- See that Bears game last week?
- Hell of a game.
Bears got a great team this year.
They're gonna go all the way.
Ohh, yeeoow!
Ohh...
Take my socks out of the sink
if you're gonna brush your teeth.
Where are you?
'I'm in Wichita. '
- You're still at the airport?
- 'I'm at a motel with a guy I met. '
You shared a motel room
with a stranger? Are you crazy?
'I'm getting there. '
Did you call the airline?
They said I have a good chance
of getting on standby.
If they told you wolverines make
good pets would you believe them?
I'm not spending Thanksgiving in
Wichita. I've got a family waiting.
- I'll get home.
- Mm. Not by aeroplane.
They got 18 hours
of air traffic backed up.
Odds are we're gonna be having
our turkey roll right here...
...if we wait for the flight.
- How else can we get home?
Burt Dingman, my buddy,
works for the railroad.
- Train?
- I sold them their curtain rings.
He owes me a favour.
I'll get that. I paid for
everything else. Why break precedent?
I feel like a freeloader.
- Get me on the train, we're square.
- You got it.
That's the easy part.
What?
You know goddam well what.
I'm sorry. I don't.
I had over $700 in here.
I didn't touch your dough.
I'm not a thief.
You went into my stuff last night?
I didn't take your money
and I don't care for the accusation.
I had over $700 and you
went into my wallet for pizza.
- Just maybe when you went in...
- Count it!
- Like you'd keep it there.
- There's $263 in there.
If there's more, then I'm a thief.
Just count it. Count it!
263, right?
- Empty.
- What?
Dry.
- We were robbed.
- Do you think so
You know, I've been thinking.
What we're dealing with
is a small-time crook.
He didn't take the credit cards,
so we charge our way home.
- What plastic you carry?
- Visa and a gasoline card.
And a Neiman-Marcus card in case
we want to buy a gift for someone.
- What have you got?
- Chalmer's Big Man Shoppe,
a chain in the Pacific Northwest.
Great stuff.
But it does us no good here.
Never mind. Get me to the station
and I'll take care of everything.
Gus's son's gonna pick
Самолётом, поездом и автомобилем Самолётом, поездом и автомобилем

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