happens.
You can make relationship history here.
But I can't. I mean, look at me.
I haven't showered in days.
I'm covered in songwriting grime.
The helicopter flew bugs in my teeth.
Yes, yes, yes. You are a little mangy.
Wait. Wait. Stay.
Sorry, Gloria.
Can I ask you a great favor?
Could you accompany me
to the ladies' room?
He's a good guy. Go ahead.
- Thank you. Thanks.
- Sure. Be right back.
- That's fantastic.
- You look great.
Eleven years of therapy and I finally
help someone. Good luck, honey.
Thank you so much.
Yes, thank you. Thank you, doctor.
It doesn't really fit.
- No, on the contrary. It fits you perfectly.
- Really?
I'm not saying you should go
to confession like that...
...but for what you're about to do,
it's perfect.
Okay. Are you ready?
I think I'm developing
a sudden coronary blockage.
Those pass very quickly, okay?
Shortness of breath. Blurred vision.
- You're fine.
- Scurvy?
You're beautiful.
No, it's fine.
You're fine.
"I don't write bestsellers
because I despise humanity."
And I said, "No, John, you don't write
bestsellers because the feeling is mutual."
Should I have stopped? Should
I have stopped right there? Was it over?
Hi. Sophie. My God, Sophie.
How are you?
I'm fine, yeah.
Good, it's great to see you.
- Alex Fletcher. Hi, how are you?
- Hey, Alex. Sloan Cates. How are you?
Well, it's been an eternity.
You look incredible.
Then you were always
mysteriously seductive, weren't you?
She is writing a song for Cora Corman.
What? No. Wait. You're a songwriter?
L... I wrote...
Brilliant lyrics. Fantastic lyrics.
A lot of people
are talking about them, actually.
I had a pen, a paper and wrote...
Sloan, the thing is, even though
Sally Michaels only lives on paper...
...Sophie lives in the real world.
She can never forgive you...
- Mr. Cates, your table's ready.
- Great, thanks, Stefan.
Listen, I'll be right there, guys. I'm sorry.
They're throwing
this little dinner thing for me.
It's crazy how lavish people get
no matter how cheap they are...
...when Hollywood comes calling.
- Hollywood.
I've sold out. They're making a film
out of Sally Michaels.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It's been crazy. I wrote the script.
We're seeing actresses.
It's been... You know.
But listen, it's great seeing you.
Let's get together, okay?
Take care of yourself.
Take care, Allen.
Well...
...must feel good to get that over with.
I just wanna go home.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Hang on. Just hang on one second.
One second.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to bother you.
It would mean the world if you'd
just let her say what she came to say.
I know what she came here
to say, okay?
Some sad little story
about how I ruined her life...
...while the truth is...
...that she seduced me
so that I'd help get her published, okay?
Come on. You were engaged
and you never even told her.
I'd say we're done talking.
Bye-bye.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
Wait.
Do me a favor.
Why don't you just shove off?
I appreciate your request,
but why don't you just shove off?
- Take it easy, my friend.
- I don't believe I will take it easy.
All right. All right!
Don't hurt his hair. He's working
Adventureland this weekend.
I'm giving up. My face is in the butter.
Thank you.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
It's just my PoP hip. It comes from years
of doing our patented dance move.
My God, I've suffered for my art.
No, the thing that really hurts
is my upper gum.
I think I may have impaled myself
on a dinner roll.
Good thing they didn't have breadsticks.
I could've lost an eye.
Well, you should get some ice on that.
Only if it's attached to some whiskey.
Oh, God. I can't believe
you convinced me to do that.
Now I'm more of a joke to him
than ever.
And to top it off...
...I'll have my own personal nightmare
playing on 3000 screens.
And you know what the worst part is?
You stole some poor woman's dress?
The worst part is that
he still has some