cunts in Christendom... "
Rat me, thinks I, this is not
the piece of paper I had supposed.
The King's eyes are more piercing
than I can remember.
The jaws of his entourage
are decidedly earthbound.
This piece of paper is not covered
merely with the thump and slop of congress.
This poem is an attack on the monarchy itself.
Culminating in depiction of the royal mistress
striving to flog the flaccid royal member
into a state of excitement.
"This you'd believe had I but time to tell you,
The pains it cost to poor laborious Nelly.
Whilst she employs hands,
fingers, mouth and thighs,
Ere she can raise the member she enjoys.
All monarchs I hate, and the thrones they sit on,
From the hector of France to the cully of Britain. "
It's damn good, though, Johnny.
Course it's good. That's not the point.
The point is he couldn't appreciate it.
It took me nearly an hour to write it,
just to please him.
Three months in the fucking country at the
height of the season. Missed all the good plays.
Boring old Rowley. We love you, Johnny.
Give us a stanza
and we'll laugh in the King's place.
To Etherege, I drink a pledge.
His life has run the gamut.
He's penned naught good
since She Would If She Could.
He would if he could but he cannot
Well, Johnny, it is a damn well said thing,
but it ain't true, do you see?
Oh, but it is true, Georgie.
You think you can still enjoy the town's esteem
for something you wrote seven years ago.
You can't be promising for ever George
Sooner or later you must do something
But that's what I'm saying.
Ihave written a new play.
Oh.
Written a new play has he?
All those afternoons he was pretending to slope
off and roger his mistress like a decent chap,
he was lurking in his rooms,
poking away at a play.
That is disgusting, George.
Disgusting and shameful.
What's it about, your play?
A satire on Dryden?
Pox o' Dryden. It's about you.
And in your play, do you tell the truth about me?
- Well, I've attempted to show you...
- Yes?
- Well, I enjoy your company.
- You've made me endearing.
- Well, only the public can...
- Don't smarm around, George.
You're an endearing sort of... chap.
So, you haven't told the truth.
Good.
We don't want to go frightening people.
Now, how about a real play?
The Duke's have the new Otway.
Oh, I have high hopes of young Tom Otway.
Let me finish him off, sir.
This fellow is my servant. He has just filched
two shillings from my coat pocket.
A thief and a rogue.
My lord you express i
Haven't quite got the hang of the reign yet,
have you?
- I will not employ a thief.
- Then I will.
- How much was your master paying you?
- Six shillings a week, sir.
Who talks of thieving?
George, give him Ј5.
Buy a brown livery and report to me
at the Duke's Theatre.
He will steal your gold.
I hope so.
If he turned honest after coming into my orbit,
then I am not the malicious planet I had hoped.
Now begone, sir.
- And er... how will your lordship be paying?
- Credit.
I only use coin vulgarised with the monarch's
head for transactions with servants.
I am ever your humble servant.
No, Mr Ratcliffe,
you are the very prince of drapery.
The prince is always happy
to see the King's head.
But not to carry i around in his pocket
Credit then.
Billy.
Join us.
Johnny.
This is Billy Downs
Billy this is the Earl of Rochester
How old are you, Mr Downs?
18, my lord.
Young man, you will die of this company.
Do not laugh. I'm serious.
Mr Ratcliffe, this hangs very well.
My lord, I saw you
just now with the gent's servant.
Did you think I dispensed wisely in the matter?
If the fool run off with the gold,
then you prove a point, but at your loss.
If he return in your livery, then you've gained
a servant who is a known cheat.
So you prove a different point,
but again at your own expense.
You summarise well, Mr Downs.
And in such a manner,
I deduce you were trained
at