three. Right. I don't know if you've met my regular understudy, Mr Lightman. He's a most dependable fellow. Sir, you have the honour of playing my understudy. Well, I shall take this opportunity to withdraw from the engagement. You are one of life's understudies! If tonight goes wrong, we'll be at war within a week. Have faith. Whatever else may go wrong, your words will command admiration. They always do. Lizzie. You're looking pale. Molly, work the magic of your art on Mrs Barry. There's the French ambassador. No. Makes me weepy. * All you ladies of Merrie England who have been to kiss the duchess's hand * Pray did you lately observe in the show * A noble Italian called Signor Dildo? I weep, but from a different end. * Who helped to conduct her over the Main * But now she cries out, "To the Duke I will go" * "I have no more need for Signor Dildo!" * The good Lady Southesk broke into a laugh Very good, this Italian workmanship. People pay more for quality. * The fops were undone, did their graces but know * The discretion and vigour of Signor Dildo I'd like to meet the man who wrote this. * Then away with these nasty devices and show * How you rate the just merits of Signor Dildo * Ooh, aah, Signor Dildo * Ooh, aah, Signor Dildo Thus in the zenith of my lust I reign. I eat to swive and swive to eat again. Let other monarchs who their sceptres bear to keep their subjects less in love than fear be slaves to crowns My nation shall be free. My pintle only shall my sceptre be. My laws shall act more pleasure than command and with my prick, I'll govern all the land. Chas, tell me this ain't happening. He's gonna get his prick out any second. I can feel it in my water. It's very amusing, because in France he would be executed for this. The King commands all men from humid cunt to humane arsonist Buggery we choose and buggery we'll allow I do proclaim the manly arse so firm shall be the sole recipient of sperm! CHARLES ll: Lord Rochester, this portrayal of yours... .. would it be based on a particular monarch? No, Your Highness. My character is far too fantastic a creation ever to have drawn breath. Now resume your seat. You're intruding on my stage. No, you're intruding on mine. I hand you a chance to show your shining talent and what do you give me in return? A pornographic representation of a royal court where the men deal only in buggery and the women's sole object of interest is the dildo! A monument to your reign. Johnny! CHARLES ll: Disappear? People don't disappear. Monsieur Barrillon. Your Majesty, it is with regret that I must make my return to France tout de suite. I hate racing. The sport of kings? The sport of peasants! Come on, Georgie. You like it when you win. I must have seen the backside of Ј60 today. I could have bought a horse. Vanishing Spark. Why did you let me bet on a horse called Vanishing Spark? What the fuck? Johnny? Gents spare a drink for a couple of chums? Where've you been? Our show was such a success in the capital, we had to undertake an extensive tour of the provinces. Now, where's the fucking drink? Come on, Charlie, get out your winnings. This is i gentlemen! This is the residence of the whore personally recommended by Mr Dryden himself, who glories in the name of Molly Noakes Well, what are we waiting for? - Open up, keepers of the gate! - Molly! Molly! - Molly... - Molly! - Gentlemen? Where's Molly? We want Molly and we want her fast. Young man, you are pissing on my top boots. Yes, fellow. But you are a whorehouse doorstep man and we are the cream of the country. I am Constable of the Watch. Dryden can't even write a shag map. You, sir, are a rogue and a liar. Murder! Help! Now, then, gentlemen... I do believe there's been a small species of error. We are Johnny! Johnny! Johnny!
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