You have to practice
and never do it in heavy traffic.
I iced that guy,
to cone a phrase.
Wait... The bad puns,
the voice, the hard rock.
This is really happening.
This is not happening.
Repeat: This is not...
I threw up. Sorry.
I thought I was going to die.
I am sorry to disappoint you, but you
will live to enjoy the fruits of life.
Acne, shaving, premature
ejaculation and divorce.
Does this suck weenie or what?
This is a movie set.
This is a movie. That is how
the scenery changed, right?
You are going to play chicken, right?
Just like Jack Slater.
Fasten your seat belt, please.
Your fingers?
Cross as many as you can.
I am in the movie.
Holy cow, I am in the movie.
Nick, Houdini was not faking.
Jack, did you see that?
I was just in a real police station.
And this is much nicer.
Slater, it is your ex-wife
on line two!
You stay.
She is always calling me.
Hello, sweetheart.
It is nice to hear your voice.
- Oiler! You team up with Waterman.
- Give me a partner, Sarge.
That is right.
Of course.
No, just as you said.
Krause!
You team up with the rabbi.
- How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
- Practice!
John Practice, you S.O.B.
Why are you not in Washington?
The Bureau thinks there is
something going on between...
Vivaldi is joining forces
with Torelli.
- How do you do that?
- I do not sit around eating donuts.
Those are government donuts.
I have to call D.C.
Good for you.
Watch it, Jack.
He killed Mozart.
- In a movie?
- "Amadeus". It won 8 Oscars!
I saved him in 'Nam,
so I will be on the lookout.
Now, no more movies.
Slater!!
The city council is chewing my eggs
off for your plane crash!
The mayor is parading up my
Lincoln Tunnel for that beach stunt!
Everybody wants to know
what it will be!
- Do I make myself clear?!
- I am just doing my job.
You have given us the worst
reputation in the country!
The Chamber of Commerce is doing
cartwheels in my cocoa factory!
Ratcliff, you are on duty
with the cat.
Hiya, Toots!
- Join me for a flea bath later?
- Touch me again and I will kill you!
- I can prove this is a movie.
- Who are you?
It is a cartoon cat.
He is supposed to be back.
He was only suspended a month.
Listen to me. An animated cat
just walked into the squad room.
- He will do it again tomorrow.
- That cat is one of my best men.
Who is that smiling twerp?
I love the way you fight, knowing
how you really feel about each other.
How do I feel about this
sack of puppy poo?
You are dearest friends.
After your wife left you -
- Jack told everyone he drove
her to the diphtheria clinic.
When he came back, you said:
"You saved me from humiliation.
You are my dearest friend."
- You promised not to tell.
- I did not.
- Then how did he know?
- "Jack Slater I".
- Won what?
- No, the first Jack Slater.
You told your dad?
I told no one.
I do not know this kid.
He seems to know
a lot about us.
The state of New York has
never heard of you, Mr. Madigan.
- What is your name?
- Danny Madigan.
- Where are you from?
- How did you get in my car?
I fell off a bridge into your car.
He saved my life.
Truth at last.
Now why were they after you?
My cousin Frank found out
some drug information.
Do not believe
what Vivaldi told him.
- How do you know about Vivaldi?
- I know what is going on.
- If you would just listen...
- I have the perfect listener for you.
Meet your new partner.
Oh no... Better to die.
You will love it, Jack.
We are perfect buddy material.
I teach you to be vulnerable,
you teach me to be brave.
I am Jack Slater's new partner.
We work together in this film.
You know I am right.
If this was the real world, -
- they would not make us partners,
but send me to a social worker.
How do I know they tortured Frank
and stashed him behind his door?
I saw it on screen.
This is a movie.
You are very clever, and I would
be roaring with laughter, -
- but they killed my cousin.
And that is a...
"Big mistake."