because this is a movie.
You're very clever. And the only reason
why I'm not roaring with laughter
is because someone killed
my favorite second cousin and that's a...
Big mistake.
That is what you were going to say, right?
- Gee, how would I know that?
- No one likes a smart-ass.
Okay. Then shoot me.
That's right. Take your gun,
point it at my head and pull the trigger.
Come on, do it. I double dare you.
You're not going to do it, are you?
And do you know why?
Because people like you
don't kill kids in movies.
Because, believe it or not,
Jack, you're the good guy.
You really believe that we're inside a movie,
don't you?
- Yes!
- All right.
I'll give you 10 minutes to prove it
and then I shoot you.
Slater!
- Quick, where are the Schwarzenegger films?
- Foreign films are in the back.
- No, action. This guy's an action star.
- Down the center on the left.
No. It isn't possible.
What's not possible? He's fantastic.
This is his best performance ever.
- But that was you. You were in that movie.
- You were in a movie?
Yes. It was called The Girl ofMy Dreams.
It starred you.
As a matter of fact,
we had this very romantic scene together.
- What's the phone number of this store?
- 555-2310.
Okay. What's your home number?
That's okay. You can give it to him.
I'm a police officer.
- 555-3812.
- Amazing.
I'm willing to bet
that everyone has a 555 number.
- So?
- So...
There can only be 9,999 numbers
that start with 555.
- How many people live in LA?
- Eight or nine million.
That's why we have area codes.
- Is this your kid?
- This? Oh, no.
This is a mental patient and I'm going to
take him downtown. Come on.
Okay, I got one.
What about this girl right here?
She is way too attractive
to be working at a video store.
I agree with you.
I think she should be working with us.
Undercover, of course.
Look, the point is
there are no unattractive women here.
I mean, where are the ordinary,
every-day women?
- They don't exist, because this is a movie.
- No. This is California.
And by the way, thanks.
I think it was really slick,
the way you got this girl's phone number.
Okay, Mr. Non-believer.
I'll take you to the house
where your cousin Frank was tortured.
I've seen it, on screen.
It's kind of like that one, except it's got to be
on the other side of the road
'cause it's got an ocean view.
Listen, there's something
you don't understand.
This ticket is magic, and it really works.
Any second we're going to drive
right into a theater.
Maybe I need to warm it up first.
Of course. My decoder ring has to warm up,
too. All the time.
Okay, okay. The house looked European.
Like maybe you get a postcard
from Italy or something.
Like that one. In fact, just like that one.
The bad guys are in there.
You know something?
I think you should be wearing this.
- I don't think I've earned it yet.
- You don't understand.
You just solved the entire case.
You just revolutionized
the entire history of police training.
I mean, all these years at the academy,
studying human character,
psyche of the terrorist, fingerprint analysis.
All the courses that I've taken
in surveillance,
hostage negotiation
and criminal psychology...
When all I had to do is just drive around
the neighborhood
and point my finger at the house and say,
"The bad guys are in there."
- You think you're funny, don't you?
- I know I am.
I'm the famous comedian,
Arnold Braunschweiger.
- Schwarzenegger.
- Gesundheit.
May I help you?
Yes. Could I speak to the drug dealer
of the house please?
I beg your pardon?
It's a beautiful day
and we're out killing drug dealers.
Are there any in the house?
Be ready for anything.
- Wait. Where are you going?
- I'll be back.
You didn't know I was going to say that,
did you?
- That's what you always say.
- I do?
Everybody keeps waiting
for you to work it in.
It's kind of like your calling card.
I understand you're interested
in drug