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Interesting.
I might have a job for you.
I'm having some trouble with
a certain tailor in the neighbourhood.
- Want me to collect from the tailor?
- No.
I want you to kill him.
See, it's not that I'm not grateful
for the police protection, Captain,
it's just that it's a little disruptive.
We just want you to be safe, ma'am.
That's why we brought
the undercover men.
- Captain?
- Yeah.
Lieutenant Drebin just called.
They're hitting the old tailor tonight.
You see, Captain,
I will be just fine for now.
Now, couldn't you take
your squad away?
Okay, let's go.
Hey!
- Hey, what's the idea?
- There's been a switch.
- We're hitting the dance teacher tonight.
- Something wrong, locksmith?
- Of course not.
- So, let's go.
Lieutenant, what are you doing here?
The other policemen just left.
So, you're a cop. I should've known.
That's all right.
That's one mistake we can fix real easy.
Get over there, sister.
All right, Rock,
let's kill us two birds with one stone.
Jill! Jill!
Look out! He's got a knife!
Look out! He's got a club!
He's got a signed Picasso!
Look out! He's got herpes!
He's got cold sores.
Jill, call the Police Squad.
- Hey, Ed.
- Frank.
Good news.
Just picked up Dutch Gunderson.
That wraps up his operation.
You know, Frank, fear is a terrible thing.
Makes people forget
their duties as citizens.
Yeah. There's one thing for sure.
If Gunderson wants to run
a protection racket,
from now on he's gonna have to do it
in the Statesville Prison.
- Say when, Frank.
- When.
Be sure to tune in next week
for another exciting story
from the files of Police Squad!Police Squad! In colour.
Starring Leslie Nielsen.
Also starring Alan North.
And Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln.
Tonight's speciaI guest star,
William Conrad.
Tonight's episode,
Dead Men Don't Laugh.
And all the rabbits
just kept hopping along.
Well, things are really
rough all over, though.
Last week I took my family
to Disneyland. We get off the freeway.
Sign said
"Disneyland left," so we went home.
Well, on behalf of the management,
and I'd like to be
half of the management,
please drink up,
enjoy yourselves and I'll see you later.
That's a very good show, Joey.
- Boss wants to see you.
- Oh, yeah.
Vic tells me that
some of the money I gave you
to pay the Frenchman was missing.
The Frenchman was very upset.
Let me take your coat.
And when he's upset,
I'm upset.
Look, I don't care what they say.
I didn't steal a thing.
So, what do I tell the Frenchman?
Just tell him
I'll take care of everything.
Veronica, I'd never double-cross you.
I swear on my life.
Listen, Joey, that's good enough for me.
Come on, let's have a drink
and forget about it.
We make a great team, don't we?
Let's toast to it.
Here's to your health.
That old black magic
Has me in its spell
That old black magic
That you weave so well
Those icy fingers up...
Just tell the Frenchman
I'll take care of everything.
Put up your hands!
My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin,
Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.
I was driving home Mary, the boss' wife
when I received an urgent call
to report to the city morgue.
I raced over.
What had originally appeared to be
a routine drunk driving fatality
was now developing into
a somewhat more involved situation.
Even though the reported crash
had been a sizable one,
various elements
of the victim's bloodstream
had led the police coroner
to suspect something more.
And we didn't need this kind of tsuris.
A battery of pathologists
and reconstruction experts
were assigned to the case.
Crime can be a terrifying threat
to members of a community.
And we had no intention of letting this
or any other go unchecked.
When I arrived at the morgue,
my boss had already begun
to investigate the physicaI evidence.
As was our custom in such cases,
we began to talk.
This is disgusting.
Yeah, I can't take looking
at that sort of thing.
Don, where have you got
the body
Полицейский отряд Полицейский отряд

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