get around.
Fad King is my hero.
Want to go first?
Sure.
Attaboy.
History, Connie.
Those are ratty shoes.
That's why
we're flinging them away.
You want to try some?
Go ahead.
Attaboy.
Do it again.
Go ahead. Have a ball.
Watch this.
Go on, tell your friends.
This is interesting.
l have just been handed this.
Something just discovered.
A 1930s recording, part of
the folk song collection...
of the Library of Congress...
and a fitting song,
if l may say so, about Shoe.
Schumann
is the military soldier...
who's been left behind
enemy lines...
Jim, can l get a word with you?
Would you like to comment
on Albania?
There is one thing
l'd like to say.
This is to the Albanians
that have this man.
l mean this from the bottom
of my heart as one of your race.
l didn't know Jim Belushi
was Albanian.
The search
for Willie Schumann continues...
As soon as we land,
l want a reflexologist.
Male or female?
The White House
wants to know about...
the Congressional Medal
of Honor.
-What about it?
-For Schumann.
Wait a minute.
We got 86% in favor.
We bring him back tomorrow,
charts don't go down.
l don't want to tell them
how to do their business...
but why don't they do it
after the election?
Makes more sense,
and it'll help them more.
When are you bringing him back?
King, show him the thing.
-lt's not done yet.
-Show it to him.
Talk about enlarging the market.
Tell him.
Here it is. Artist's rendering
of the memorial.
The memorial?
That's the memorial
of the fallen.
Of the Albanian campaign.
-Lovely.
-lt's better than lovely.
This guy made a deal
with Governor Kneehigh--
Senator Leahy.
You should see the granite
you have to put in this thing.
Got a site picked out
and everything.
The beauty part is...
guess who retains
the merchandising rights.
Show him the clock?
Got it as a clock.
Lovely.
-Let's go.
-When's Schumann coming back?
Getting him right now.
l need his neck size.
l think it's 17 1/2.
Thinking 17 1/2
is not good enough.
l'm an artist,
not a factory worker.
What did he eat
behind enemy lines?
Birds, snakes.
Bullshit. He ate
tiny cheeseburgers in tin foil.
Pull a string,
they heat themselves.
We call Burger King,
Johnny Rockets.
We get the Shoe Burger
with cheese and 303 sauce...
"Behind enemy lines or anytime."
That's the slogan.
l got the copyright
on the Albanian kitten thing.
l'm gonna call Nike,
get Rodman to dye his hair.
We'll have a sneaker--
"Air Leopard."
...a high school
basketball game last night...
between Montgomery Bell
and Blair Park.
Students, during the game...
in spontaneous moment
of sheer patriotism...
threw their tennis shoes
on the court by the hundreds,
just for the Old Shoe.
Bring him back.
William Schumann...
There's no business like it.
Demonstrations are springing up
all over the country...
as Americans
show their patriotism.
You ought to get them to run
that inaugural speech by me.
lnaugural speech?
l don't know.
The White House staff
won't give up that one.
Come on. Let me close out
the thing in style.
l've come to feel it's my thing.
You take a job, and many times,
it's just a job...
Hell of a ride.
lsn't it?
You take the bitter
with the sweet...
or the sweet with the bitter.
What's that expression?
...feeling good
about the economy.
That's why we're voting
for the president, Ed.
What do you think?
Bob, my mind wasn't
100% made up, but now it is.
Don't go changing horses
in midstream.
Absolutely.
Who needs surprises these days?
For an economy
you can rely on...
Fucking amateurs.
Pity of it is, two more days,
and we bring it back home.
Knock wood.
Who's gonna know?
Who's gonna know what we did?
Pride of a job well done, Stan.
lt's the pride of a job
well done, but it's more.
lt's the gratitude of your party
and your president, right?
-ls that the thing?
-lndeed it is.
Dean City, Oklahoma.
Army special programs.
Tell 'em to bring
Schumann