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for a kitten.
l understand that,
but the pet wrangler suggested--
l need to speak to the president
before you pick an animal.
Can't they find me a kitten?
Listen to me.
Albanian terrorists
have a staging area...
for their atomic workshop.
That's why she's fleeing.
What if it wasn't Albania?
Say it was ltaly?
l can get a lot of cash
if it's ltaly.
"Give them the boot."
What if a shoe was the fad?
The little girl
is coming toward the camera.
What does she have in her hands?
A kitten.
Albania doesn't
do anything for me.
That's the problem.
-We're locked into Albania.
-Why is that?
The president's going to war
in about 30 minutes.
Declaring war on Albania?
We're not declaring war.
We're going to war.
We haven't declared war
since World War ll.
We're going to war.
This late-breaking news
just in from Air Force One.
The president
of the United States...
has said he apologizes
for the need for secrecy...
and he assures
that it is necessary...
for the safety of the men
and women in combat.
He says that
the Republic of Albania...
long a staging ground
for terrorism around the world.
He mentioned a state of war
is or is about to happen...
between the United States
and the Republic of Albania.
How many kittens do we have?
There ought to be
kittens a-plenty. l called.
People, let's get started.
My name is Stanley Motss.
l'll be your producer.
What l would like you to do,
Tracy Lime.
Stand against that wall,
and on my signal...
l want you running toward me,
-Can we get you anything?
-l'm fine.
How about a cup of tea?
A little milk, low fat?
You OK?
Fine. Let's try one.
ls this a national?
ls that the case?
lt's a direct buy-out.
Have your agent--
What is this?
What is this, a menagerie?
l can't wait to put this
on my resume.
Can l talk to you for a minute?
This is a special kind
of situation.
We have a schnauzer
and what appears to be--
lt's a Lhasa apso.
lt couldn't have been simpler.
What you got here
is a cross between a dog--
l just want kittens.
Absolutely, sir.
The president wants a kitten.
l want a kitten.
Get rid of the dogs
and keep the kittens.
Miss. Excuse me.
l have to have you sign
this sheet of paper.
My agent would be miffed
with me if l--
This doesn't have to do
with your deal.
This is your security clearance.
Right there.
Nice signature. Thank you.
Nice meeting you.
This is a nice one.
That's a cat.
These are kittens.
They wanted to give options.
lt's too confusing.
He's pushing the Lopso opso.
-We'll do it optically.
Let's try to shoot one.
l want you to stand over here.
Here you go. Right there.
These are chips.
Hold the bag when you run.
lt's for the arm position.
On screen, it'll be a kitten.
Can l hold the kitten?
We'll punch it in later.
You're gonna punch
the kitten later?
For a wider set of options.
A wider option of what?
Of kittens.
Sir, all kidding aside,
l get to put it on my resume?
Actually, no.
What is it,
a guild thing or something?
You can never tell anyone
you did this.
What could they do?
They'd come to your house
and kill you.
The president.
Stop the makeup.
She's been raped by terrorists.
-She's not pale enough.
-Jump out.
They're starting to shoot now...
and they're gonna
do the kitten thing optically.
That's right, Mr. President.
l don't know how
they do the kitten optically...
but they know
what they're doing.
She's not an illegal immigrant,
is she?
Could l see the contract?
Why is it so flat?
Because the president cannot
employ an illegal immigrant.
-Let's use more spray.
-Cover up.
Let's keep working!
Are we getting there?
Put the village behind her.
Gimme some flames.
How about some screaming?
Screaming's good.
Some sound of screaming.
What might be good
is ooh-ahh sirens.
You know. Anne Frank.
That's good.
Find us the Anne Frank sirens.
That's chilling.
Плутовство Плутовство

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