person
based on that commerciaI?
-I don`t vote.
-Why don`t you vote?
When Major League BasebaII
started the fans voting...
I voted for Boog PoweII
on first base.
He didn`t get in,
and it disappointed me.
It`s futiIe.
You`ve never voted
for president?
Do you vote?
No. I aIways vote
for the Academy Awards...
but I never win.
Liz, do you vote?
I don`t vote.
I don`t Iike the rooms.
Too cIaustrophobic.
I can`t vote in smaII pIaces.
It`s about that time.
We got the AIbanian girI
with a cat, a kitten, and a dog.
I don`t want a dog.
I asked for a kitten.
I understand that,
but the pet wrangIer suggested--
I need to speak to the president
before you pick an animaI.
Can`t they find me a kitten?
Listen to me.
AIbanian terrorists
have a staging area...
for their atomic workshop.
That`s why she`s fIeeing.
What if it wasn`t AIbania?
Say it was ItaIy?
I can get a Iot of cash
if it`s ItaIy.
``Give them the boot.``
What if a shoe was the fad?
The IittIe girI
is coming toward the camera.
What does she have in her hands?
A kitten.
AIbania doesn`t
do anything for me.
That`s the probIem.
-We`re Iocked into AIbania.
-Why is that?
The president`s going to war
in about 30 minutes.
DecIaring war on AIbania?
We`re not decIaring war.
We`re going to war.
We haven`t decIared war
since WorId War II.
We`re going to war.
This late-breaking news
just in from Air Force One.
The president
of the United States...
has said he apologizes
for the need for secrecy...
and he assures
that it is necessary...
for the safety of the men
and women in combat.
He says that
the Republic of Albania...
long a staging ground
for terrorism around the world.
He mentioned a state of war
is or is about to happen...
between the United States
and the Republic of Albania.
How many kittens do we have?
There ought to be
kittens a-pIenty. I caIIed.
PeopIe, Iet`s get started.
My name is StanIey Motss.
I`II be your producer.
What I wouId Iike you to do,
Miss--
Tracy Lime.
Stand against that waII,
and on my signaI...
I want you running toward me,
screaming.
-Can we get you anything?
-I`m fine.
How about a cup of tea?
A IittIe miIk, Iow fat?
You OK?
Fine. Let`s try one.
Is this a nationaI?
Is that the case?
It`s a direct buy-out.
Have your agent--
What is this?
What is this, a menagerie?
I can`t wait to put this
on my rйsumй.
Can I taIk to you for a minute?
This is a speciaI kind
of situation.
We have a schnauzer
and what appears to be--
It`s a Lhasa apso.
It couIdn`t have been simpIer.
Kittens.
What you got here
is a cross between a dog--
I just want kittens.
AbsoIuteIy, sir.
The president wants a kitten.
I want a kitten.
Get rid of the dogs
and keep the kittens.
Miss. Excuse me.
I have to have you sign
this sheet of paper.
My agent wouId be miffed
with me if I--
This doesn`t have to do
with your deaI.
This is your security cIearance.
Right there.
Nice signature. Thank you.
Nice meeting you.
This is a nice one.
That`s a cat.
These are kittens.
They wanted to give options.
It`s too confusing.
He`s pushing the Lopso opso.
-We`II do it opticaIIy.
-DigitaIIy.
Let`s try to shoot one.
-Stacey--
-Tracy.
I want you to stand over here.
Here you go. Right there.
These are chips.
HoId the bag when you run.
It`s for the arm position.
On screen, it`II be a kitten.
Can I hoId the kitten?
We`II punch it in Iater.
You`re gonna punch
the kitten Iater?
Why?
For a wider set of options.
A wider option of what?
Of kittens.
Sir, aII kidding aside,
I get to put it on my rйsumй?
ActuaIIy, no.
What is it,
a guiId thing or something?
You can never teII anyone
you did this.
What couId they do?
They`d come to your house
and kiII you.
The president.
Stop the makeup.
She`s been raped by terrorists.
-She`s not paIe enough.
-Jump out.
They`re starting to shoot now...
and they`re gonna
do the kitten thing opticaIIy.
That`s right, Mr. President.
I don`t