name of the country.
That rhymes.
-John Belushi?
-Jim.
Jim Belushi.
-Jim Belushi what?
-Albanian?
Jim Belushi's Albanian?
Are you kidding?
Know anybody who's eaten
in an Albanian restaurant?
-Is there such a thing?
-Has to be.
-Is there a national dish?
-We can make it up.
Jim Belushi is Albanian.
What time is it?
3:03.
Great idea.
To the men and women of
the 303 detachment with their...
Leopard skin.
With their berets.
How about all black?
That's good.
Half black, half leopard...
wear it on your head.
Half black, half leopard...
wear it to your bed.
Half black, half leopard.
I guard...
the American dream.
I guard...
the American dream.
Everybody's always
in a hurry these days.
If they're not
rushing somewhere...
they're changing something
that doesn't need changing.
That's why I'm glad
we're behind the president.
Sure we are.
It just makes good sense.
You don't want to change
horses in midstream.
Why are they sticking
with this age-old horseshit?
Why are they sticking
with the same garbage?
-Who hires these people?
-I feel insulted having seen it.
-It's offensive.
-Poorly costumed.
New York Times,
Washington Post: war.
Times got the Firefly Girl
in the Style section.
Post on page 12.
It's good. Hello?
It's very important. Listen up.
It's all war.
You're doing good.
Would you vote for that person
based on that commercial?
-I don't vote.
-Why don't you vote?
When Major League Baseball
started the fans voting...
I voted for Boog Powell
on first base.
He didn't get in,
and it disappointed me.
It's futile.
You've never voted
for president?
Do you vote?
No. I always vote
for the Academy Awards...
but I never win.
Liz, do you vote?
I don't vote.
I don't like the rooms.
Too claustrophobic.
I can't vote in small places.
It's about that time.
We got the Albanian girl
with a cat, a kitten, and a dog.
I don't want a dog.
I asked for a kitten.
I understand that,
but the pet wrangler suggested--
I need to speak to the president
before you pick an animal.
Can't they find me a kitten?
Listen to me.
Albanian terrorists
have a staging area...
for their atomic workshop.
That's why she's fleeing.
What if it wasn't Albania?
Say it was Italy?
I can get a lot of cash
if it's Italy.
"Give them the boot."
What if a shoe was the fad?
The little girl
is coming toward the camera.
What does she have in her hands?
A kitten.
Albania doesn't
do anything for me.
That's the problem.
-We're locked into Albania.
-Why is that?
The president's going to war
in about 30 minutes.
Declaring war on Albania?
We're not declaring war.
We're going to war.
We haven't declared war
since World War II.
We're going to war.
This late-breaking news
just in from Air Force One.
The president
of the United States...
has said he apologizes
for the need for secrecy...
and he assures
that it is necessary...
for the safety of the men
and women in combat.
He says that
the Republic of Albania...
long a staging ground
for terrorism around the world.
He mentioned a state of war
is or is about to happen...
between the United States
and the Republic of Albania.
How many kittens do we have?
There ought to be
kittens a-plenty. I called.
People, let's get started.
My name is Stanley Motss.
I'll be your producer.
What I would like you to do,
Miss--
Tracy Lime.
Stand against that wall,
and on my signal...
I want you running toward me,
screaming.
-Can we get you anything?
-I'm fine.
How about a cup of tea?
A little milk, low fat?
You OK?
Fine. Let's try one.
Is this a national?
Is that the case?
It's a direct buy-out.
Have your agent--
What is this?
What is this, a menagerie?
I can't wait to put this
on my resume.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
This is a special kind
of situation.
We have a schnauzer
and what appears to be--
It's a Lhasa apso.
It couldn't have been simpler.
Kittens.
What you got here
is a cross between a dog