much in love, that's for sure.
And he was the first.
l remember it all like a long torment.
Long periods of pain
and then short moments when...
l'm thinking of it as you've taught me
to smoke. He smoked loads.
Thinking of it afterwards,
it's really banal. A real pulp fiction.
ln a strange way
it was never really real.
l don't know how to describe it.
At least, l was never quite real to him.
My pain was real, that's for sure.
Somehow it was is if it was part of it
in some nasty way.
As if that's how it was supposed to be.
Even the things we said to each other...
Many people have told me that
l'm a good listener. Funny, huh?
No one's ever bothered to listen to me.
Like you are now. You're listening.
l think you're the first person
who's listened to me.
lt can't be interesting at all.
You could read a good book instead.
God, l'm going on.
You're not getting irritated?
lt's so nice to talk.
lt feels so nice and warm.
l feel like l've never felt
in my whole life.
l always wanted a sister.
l only have a load of brothers. Seven.
Funny, huh? Then l come along. l've
been surrounded by boys all my life.
l like boys. But you would know that
with all your experience as an actress.
l really like Karl-Henrik.
But, you know, you only love once.
l'm faithful to him. ln my profession
there are opportunities, l can tell you.
Karl-Henrik and l had hired
a cottage by the sea.
lt was June, we were all alone.
One day when Karl-Henrik had gone
into town, l went to the beach alone.
lt was really nice and warm.
There was another girl there.
She lived on an island nearby -
- but had come over as our beach lay
to the south and was more relaxed.
So we lay beside one another
completely naked and sunbathed.
We slept a little, woke up,
and put on some oil.
We wore these hats on our heads,
you know, those cheap straw hats.
l had a blue ribbon around my hat.
l lay looking out from under the hat -
- glanced out at the landscape,
the sea and the sun.
lt was so curious.
Suddenly l saw two figures jumping
about on the rocks above us.
They hid and peeped out
occasionally.
''There are two boys looking at us'',
l said to her. Her name was Katarina.
''Well, let them look'', she said,
and turned on her back.
lt was such a strange feeling.
l wanted to run and put on
my costume, but l just lay still...
On my belly with my bum in the air,
totally unembarrassed, totally calm.
All the time l had Katarina beside me
with her breasts and thick thighs.
She just lay there
giggling a little to herself.
Then l saw the boys had come nearer.
They just stood looking at us.
l saw that they were terribly young.
Then one of them, the bravest one -
- he came up to us
and squatted down beside Katarina.
He pretended to be busy with his foot
and sat poking between his toes.
l felt totally strange.
Suddenly l heard Katarina say:
''Aren't you going
to come over here?''
Then she took his hand and helped
him take his jeans and shirt off.
Suddenly he was over her and she
helped him in and held his behind.
The other boy just sat on the slope
and watched.
l heard Katarina whisper in his ear
and laugh.
l had his face right next to me.
lt was all red and swollen.
Suddenly l turned over and said,
''Aren't you going to come to me too?''
Katarina said, ''Go to her now''.
And he pulled out of her and...
...he fell over me, completely hard.
He took hold of one breast.
God, it hurt so much...
l was all ready somehow, l came
at once. Can you understand that?
l was just going to tell him, ''Be careful
so that l don't get pregnant'' -
- when he came. l felt...
l felt it like l'd never felt it before
how he sprayed his seed into me.
He gripped my shoulders and bent
backwards. l came over and over.
Katarina lay on her side looking
and she held him from behind.
When he came she embraced him
and made herself come with his hand.
And when she came she screamed
really loud.
Then all three of