the Production,
desperately desiring to get
somewhere a sip of vodka,
something that in Moscow I left
17 years ago
was in such abundance as water
in the ocean?
What's the matter?
What does all this madness about
vodka mean?
Gorbachev started a war against
Russian traditional alcoholism
and now there is something which
looks like limited prohibition.
I have with me a famous American
physicist.
Good for Russians and bad for
me.
You should have called this morning,
we could have got you a table.
We can't do anything just now. We
take reservations ten days in advance.
I wish he'd take us to the
Studio already, and disappear.
My friend! The American doesn't
wish to have a table at all.
All he wants is a bottle of vodka. And
he's willing to pay ten times your price.
Well, that's normal. That's what
everyone pays.
It's funny. When I used to live
here everybody couldn't manage
without drinking but me.
Now I am back and desperately need
a drink, there's a vodka shortage.
There you are. You can get anything
in Moscow, it just takes know-how.
Our organization is called
"Success"
and in our joint venture, we are
guaranteed success.
But I am not a businessman.
We'll put together a group of
Soviet scientists
who'll generate scientific ideas
for sale and develop ideas
generated by American clients.
We'll make lots of hard
currency.
Excuse me. Aren't we going to
the studio?
The Head of production is
expecting me there.
He'll wait. His studio is not a
private company like mine.
It's a government agency - no
one does any work there anyway.
They say our studio is not up to
world's standards in terms of equipment.
That is not so.
Right now, for example, we're
shooting ten films simultaneously.
Take a look at this!
I'm so pleased you've come to
help your girl-friend, but, as
you can see,
it is not an interpreter she needs.
I know enough English for that.
It is a more delicate matter,
She wants to do a co-production.
Okay. Great. I'm all for a
co-production.
She needs some specific
documentary material.
Fine. We'll get it for her, but
not all of it. But something.
But now she's asking to see our
copyright to this material.
What copyright?
I talked to every attorney in
Moscow - no one knows whether we
have this copyright or not.
What's a copyright anyway?
Don't take it personal, but it's
so difficult to work with Americans!
Sex and Jews are our two most
popular subjects today.
Everyone wants to film what used
to be forbidden.
These Jewish looking actors
never used to have any work -
now they're all hot property.
Everyone of them is under three
or four contracts at once.
They're the envy of all other
actors.
Unfortunately, I have to tell you
that there is no mistake in our lists.
You have not been accepted to
the Physics/Math Department.
But isn't there a law that says
everyone graduating high school
with a gold medal
must be accepted without
entrance examinations?
Why wasn't I accepted? Because
I am a Jew?
Have enough courage to tell me
the truth!
Sit down. You snotnose!!
I am not the least bit afraid to
tell you that you weren't
accepted because you're a Jew.
Because we have twice as many
applicants like you - Jews with
gold medals -
than there are spots available
at the University!
And even if I followed the law
and turned this institution one
hundred percent Jewish,
there would still be no place
for you, personally.
I am prepared to take the
examinations along with the
other applicants.
That I cannot forbid you to do.
May I answer right away, without
preparation?
Are you sure you do not want to
think over your answer first?
I got lucky.
I pulled my favorite question.
Well, what is that question?
The modern concept of the
structure of the Universe.
All right, then. Let's hear
what you know about this.
The modern concept of the
structure of the Universe
is based upon Einstein's general
theory of relativity.
In