l'm sure l saw
something moving this morning.
You've got to watch out
for the sneakers.
When they're replaced by army
boots, it's random sniper time.
Fore!
( WHACK! )
( SPLAT! )
''Enigmatic, mysterious,
intelligent of spirit...''
You're talking about the girl
l intend to marry.
One. All intelligence
must be shared.
Wasn't there an Anya
in 'War and Peace'?
Two. Everyone's got to give it
their best shot.
Chemistry, Danny.
Can't beat chemistry.
Three. There is to be no lying,
cheating or backstabbing.
Maybe it's Dostoevski.
'Brothers Karamazov', l think.
Guy who gets the first date
gets a clear run.
Loser runs around the house
three times
with his undies on his head.
Did you see
the sparks fly between us?
lt's a done deal, my son.
Don't even go there.
l thought
you all hated vegetarians.
True love knows no boundaries,
Sammy.
And she's not adverse
to the occasional fish finger.
Basically, we're willing
to make concessions.
Are we agreed?
l'm not like you guys.
l'm in it for the long haul.
We can deal with that.
We'll work around it.
lt's a bonding thing.
Blokes got to stick together.
All for one, one for all.
That sort of thing.
Guys with hard-ons.
Blood rushes from their brains
to their dicks
and they all
become real stupid.
MAN: Mr Kirkhope?
Yes?
l wonder if we might have
a few moments of your time.
Every month,
$563 is supposed
to be delivered
to a certain post office box
at the Brisbane GPO.
( VOlCE CHATTERS ON PHONE )
For the last four months,
this has not happened.
Do any of you
have any reason...
..for this?
You do know those things give
you brain tumours, don't you?
Um... (Clears throat)
We seem to be going through
a bit of a transitionary
fiscal crisis at the moment.
He means a recession.
We're considering it
the recession we had to have.
l think we got ourselves
a couple of smart-arses.
Are any of you
shitheads related
to a copper or a pollie?
Looks like we're in the clear.
Damn good tea.
lt's chai from lndia.
Biscuit?
No, thank you.
We're expecting a big cheque
at the end of the month.
25 G's
from 'Penthouse' magazine.
What do you do?
Pose for a fucking centrefold?
No, l'm a writer. l write
for 'Penthouse' magazine.
No kidding.
You got a machine?
Er, l've got an Underwood.
ls that Mac or Windows?
lt's a typewriter.
Don't sound like
no fucking writer to me, mate.
Oh, well, Hunter S. Thompson
used an Underwood.
Er, Kerouac, Hemingway
used an Underwood.
Stephen King? Stephen King wrote
heaps of stuff on an Underwood.
Are we going
to get our bond back?
Did anyone say
you could talk, dickstrap?
Did anybody here say
you could open your dirty,
fucking, stinking little trap?
lf l get a tumour, funboy,
l'm going to hold you
personally fucking responsible.
Us again.
One of the life forms here
has raised a question
about the bond.
Yeah.
Sure.
Sure. No problem. Can do.
Four months' back rent.
Two months' rent in advance.
End of week.
Otherwise...
Comprehende?
Do you think it's true
about the brain tumour?
Supposed to be.
You can get headset,
you know.
Keep the phone in your pocket,
talk into the mike.
You'd look
like a frigging receptionist!
lt's an earphone thing!
'Penthouse' magazine?
''Enter me...
''..enter me,''...
..she gasped.
( BELL DlNGS )
''Enter me hard, enter me deep.
l want you inside me.
''Yes, yes!
lnsert yourself, Rodney.
''l want you now, entering hard,
entering deep, yes, now, oh.''
''l entered her''?
''He entered me''?
''l wanted him inside me.''
What are we? Cars? Elevators?
Hotel rooms
that guys can crawl inside of,
eat, sleep and leave a big mess
for someone to clear up?
lt's for 'Penthouse' magazine.
l just don't think
anyone should enter
or get entered, that's all.
What about the 25 grand?
1 5?
You want the truth?
( OUTSlDE DOOR CLOSES )
ANYA: This...
Just put it on the right.
You sure
you don't need any help?
Maybe later, l think.
All