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Огонь, вода и... медные трубы

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Ancient philosophers say
that a stick is double-edged.
So, we've got two ends!
But no beginning.
Therefore, the stick
is something infinite!
Stop them. I wish to speak.
Silence, wise men!
The Wisest desires to speak!
How long have you been arguing?
- Thirty years,
- Three years and three days.
Exactly.
Too long.
Let's make a knot approach...
This stick grew in the forest.
It's root was in the ground,
and the head reached to the sun.
So, it starts here
and ends there.
- A genius!
- Extraordinary!
- Miraculous!
- Hail the wisest of all!
In the spring a birch tree preened,
Put on a habit of the green.
Looking in the lake's reflection,
Wondered at its own perfection.
In the fall the birch is sad,
Drooping low its proud head,
Shedding leaves, like gold tears,
on a cold wave of the mere.
Don't you worry, little mouse,
Whitey will find Vassya.
Evertyhing'll be fine, silly.
Vassya!
See how faithful your Vassya is?
So, Alyona, you'd better
marry me, the immortal one!
I will never marry you!
Glory to our wisest!
Glory to our humblest!
- Your liver!
- I meant it for you, dear.
Glory to our nicest!
Glory to our handsomest!
Kiss the bride!
Kiss the bride!
Vassya!
- Alyonushka!
- Who is Alyonushka?
- My bride.
- And what am I, then?
- I'm sorry, Princess.
Let's go!
What is it? Catch him!
Grab him! Surround him!
- A stick is double-edged!
- It's infinite!
For insulting
my royal daughter
the perpetrator
is to be dismembered,
impaled and then hanged!
Daddy has a bad liver!
When I was a young dandy,
I played the field a-plenty, see?
Whitey.
- How much have you imbibed, dear?
- I tried hard, my dear.
Too hard, my dear.
Lilies of the valley,
In May I dilly- dally...
Dear, dear forest guest,
want a flower, our best?
I need no flower,
I need Kaschei.
Not so loud.
- Where can I find Kaschei?
- I ask questions here.
Mommy will be asking questions,
you answer, and not very loud.
- Have you gone through fire?
- I have.
- Water?
- I may say I've splashed through.
- It means you have.
- Don't butt in.
- And the brass pipes?
- I barely managed.
Awesome!
Are you looking for Alyona now?
Yes, for my Alyonushka.
It's hard to find her, my lad.
Kaschei isn't easily to be had.
A magic egg his life can erase,
the egg is in a precious case.
The case's under an oak, alas,
all covered with moss and grass.
If you get the egg...
- You got it?
- I got it.
Good boy!
As soon as you cross
the edge of the enchanted woods,
the spirits will start hissing,
but don't be scared.
Go onwards,
but walk backwards.
As you come across the oak tree,
take six steps to the left.
That's where Kaschei' death
is hidden.
But don't dare look back.
- Why not?
- You'll turn to a stone!
Thank you, Babas,
thank you, Yagas.
Don't mention it.
I'm doing it for my daughter.
A tooth for a tooth. Here it is.
The other one she wore out
because of Kaschei, the traitor.
Don't snivel. And you, go.
If you look back, you'll be
petrified.
Mommy!
Oh, my child,
my darling, weird child.
My loyal valets,
my hypocritical valets.
Hold it!
Keep your hands off!
- Vassya, be humane!
- Humane?
Give me the egg.
I'll make you rich!
- Believe me.
- I'll never believe you!
- Dropped dead, His Immortality.
- Joined all the immortals.
Who shall we serve now?
Him, Vassya!
Oh, Boonie!
Alyonushka!
Vassya!
Let's get out
of this accursed lair.
- Glory to the strongest!
- Glory to the wisest!
Glory to the handsomest!
Let's go!
Whitey!
Alyonushka!
Vassya! Alyonushka!
- Why did you do that?
- It was an accident.
- An accident?
- Yes.
When Alyona and Vassya got united,
all were to the wedding invited:
singers, dancers, fire fighters,
with the only exclusion of pipers.
The guests did dine,
the guests did wine.
Even the goat was in her glory.
That's the end of our story.
Огонь, вода и... медные трубы

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