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dirty.
I have been from Chicago to Paris,
to Dallas, to... Where am I?
Scranton.
I'm trying to get home
to my 8-year-old son.
Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
- I'm sorry.
- No. No way.
This is Christmas!
The season of perpetual hope.
If I have to get on
your runway and hitchhike...
...if it costs me everything I own...
...if I have to sell my soul
to the Devil himself...
...I am going to get home to my son.
Ma'am, if there was anything...
Do it. Do anything.
- I can get you a hotel room.
- What?
Can you excuse us for a sec?
Can I see you for a second, please?
Excuse us.
You got a little bit of a dilemma.
We got a crisis ourselves.
Allow me to introduce myself.
Gus Polinski.
Polka King of the Midwest?
The Kenosha Kickers?
- Hi there.
- Hiya.
That's okay. I thought you might
have recognized...
I had a few hits a few years ago.
That's why I just...
"Polka, Polka, Polka"?
Polka, polka, polka
"Twin Lakes Polka"?
"Yamahoozie Polka," a.k.a.
"Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"?
These are songs?
Yeah. Yeah, we...
Some fairly big hits for us.
You know, in the early '80s.
Yeah, we sold about 623
copies of that.
- In Chicago?
- No, Sheboygan.
Very big in Sheboygan.
Did you say you could help?
Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
Our flight was canceled...
...so we're gonna drive. See the guy
in the yellow jacket over there?
He's gonna rent us a nice big van
to drive to Milwaukee.
Now, I heard you had some problems
getting to Chicago?
To see your kid or something?
Uh, my son. He...
We left, and he's there.
If you have to get to Chicago,
we'll gladly drive you.
It's on the way to Milwaukee.
- You'd give me a ride?
- Sure, why not?
You've got to get home.
- A ride to Chicago?
- Sure, it's Christmastime.
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
You don't mind going with polka bums?
No, I'd love to.
Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
Look at this.
I think we're getting scammed
by a kindergartner.
Dad, can you come here
and help me?
Remember that kid
we saw the other day?
He lives here.
If the kid's here,
the parent's got to be.
He's home alone.
What? You want to come
back tonight?
Even with the kid here?
I don't think that's a good idea.
That house is the reason
we worked this block.
Ever since I saw that house,
I wanted it.
Let's take it one step at a time.
We'll unload the van, get a bite
to eat, we'll come back about 9:00.
Nine o'clock.
This way it's dark then.
Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
You're afraid of the dark too.
You know you are.
No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- Not, not, not.
You are so.
Mom, where are you?
Do you play?
Do you want to try? Go ahead,
try it. Try it!
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
Hey, nice shoes.
Oh, thanks.
Is he still here? It's really
important that I see him.
He's getting in his car.
If you hurry, you can catch him.
How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
What's next, rabies shots
for the Easter Bunny?
Santa, hold on.
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Quickly.
Santa's running late.
I know you're not
the real Santa Claus.
Huh, what makes you say that?
Just out of curiosity.
- I'm old enough to know how it works.
- All right.
But I also know you work for him.
- I'd like you to give him a message.
- Shoot.
Kevin McCallister, 681 Lincoln Blvd.
Do you need the phone number?
No, that's all right.
This is extremely important.
Please tell him instead of presents,
I just want my family back.
No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate,
Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
And my aunt and my cousins.
And if he has time,
my Uncle Frank. Okay?
Okay.
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.
Wait. My elf took the last of the
candy canes home to her boyfriend.
- That's okay.
- No, don't be silly.
Everybody who sees Santa
has got to get something.
Here, hold out your little paw there.
There you go.
- Don't spoil your dinner.
- I won't.
Thanks.
Son of a...!
Merry Christmas.
May I sit down?
That's

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