't find anybody.
They're all shopping.
Nobody's home for the holidays.
PETER:
Never mind, forget it.
- This is so pointless.
- What?
We're here rotting in this apartment.
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.
- So?
- You're not worried about Kevin?
Why should I be? He acted like a jerk
and now he caught it in the butt.
He's so little and helpless.
Don't you think he's freaked?
The trout can use a couple of days
in the real world.
You're not worried
something might happen?
No. For three reasons:
A: I'm not that lucky.
Two: We have smoke detectors...
...and D: We live in the most boring
street in the United States...
...where nothing even remotely
dangerous will ever happen. Period.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
JOHNNY:
Who is it?
It's Little Nero's.
I have your pizza.
Leave it on the doorstep
and get out of here.
Okay.
What about the money?
What money?
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
PIZZA GUY:
That'll be $ 11.80, sir.
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
- Cheapskate.
JOHNNY: Hey.
JOHNNY: I'm gonna give you
to the count of ten...
... to get your ugly, yellow...
... no-good keister
off my property...
... before I pump you full of lead.
One, two... ten.
(GUNFIRE ON TV)
(JOHNNY LAUGHS)
A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
ANNOUNCER:
- To Dallas/Forth Worth.
American Airlines...
So we have the $500,
the pocket translator...
...the two first-class seats,
that's an upgrade...
Is that a real Rolex?
- Do you think it is?
- No.
But who can tell?
I also have a ring.
IRENE:
Oh, that is beautiful!
They're boarding.
She's offered us two first-class
tickets if we go Friday.
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and...
The earrings.
She's got her own earrings.
A whole shoebox full of them.
- Come on, come on.
- No, but...
I'm desperate.
I'm begging you.
From a mother to a mother. Please!
- Oh, Ed.
KATE: Please!
ED:
Oh, all right.
"Dear Santa, I got a sister last year.
This year I'd rather have Clay-Doh. "
I didn't mean it.
If you come back, I'll never
be a pain in the butt again.
I promise. Good night.
(KISSES PICTURE)
KEVIN LIP-S YNCS TO THE DRIFTERS:
I'm dreaming
Of a white
Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where those treetops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells
In the snow
The snow
(SCREAMS)
Are those microwave dinners good?
- I don't know.
- I'll give them a whirl.
For the kids.
Hold on, I got a coupon for that.
It was in the paper this morning.
$ 19.83.
Okay.
Are you here by yourself?
Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
You think I'd be here alone?
I don't think so.
Where's your mom?
- In the car.
- Where's your dad?
- He's at work.
- What about brothers and sisters?
I'm an only child.
- Where do you live?
- I can't tell you.
- Why not?
- Because you're a stranger.
(FURNACE LAUGHS)
Hello, Kevin!
Shut up!
HARRY:
I don't get it.
It looks like there's nobody's home.
Last night the place is jumping.
Something ain't right.
Go check it out.
Now?
No, tomorrow, egghead!
Now! Go ahead.
"Now?"
(DOOR RATTLES)
(DOORKNOB RATTLES)
MARV:
Shit!
JOHNNY:
Get the hell out of here.
SNAKES: All right, Johnny.
But what about my money?
JOHNNY:
What money?
SNAKES: A. C. Said you had
some dough for me.
JOHNNY: Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
SNAKES:
A. C. Said ten percent.
JOHNNY:
Too bad A. C. Ain 't in charge no more.
SNAKES:
What do you mean?
JOHNNY:
He's upstairs, taking a bath.
He'll call you when he gets out.
Hey, I tell you what
I'm gonna give you, Snakes.
- Snakes?
JOHNNY: I'll give you to ten...
... to get your

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