have to pay for that.
Son! Son!
Jimmy, stop that boy!
Hey!
Shoplifter!
Hey! Hey, kid!
Come back here!
Stop it, will you?
Come here.
I'm a criminal.
What's so funny?
What's so funny?
Why are you laughing?
You did it again.
You left the water running.
Why do you do that?
I told you not to do it.
- It's our calling card.
- Calling card.
All the great ones leave their mark.
We're the wet bandits.
You're sick, you know?
You're really sick.
- I'm not sick.
- Yes, you are.
It's a sick thing to do.
- We don't need that.
- Don't tell me...
I can do it if I want to.
It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
Hey! Hey!
You've gotta watch for traffic.
- Sorry.
- Damn.
Santy don't visit
the funeral homes, buddy.
Okay, okay.
Merry Christmas.
What's the matter?
I don't like the way
that kid looked at me.
- Ever seen him before?
- I saw a hundred kids this week.
Let's see what house he goes into.
Why's he going faster?
I told you something's wrong.
He looked at me weird.
Why would he run?
Maybe he went in the church.
- I'm not going in there.
- Me neither.
Let's get out of here.
When those guys come back,
I'll be ready.
Did they come back?
From Paris?
We'll come back tomorrow.
Maybe they'll be gone.
We better go before somebody sees us.
Look what I found in the kitchen.
Frank, those are for later.
Do you want a little shrimp, huh?
Do you speak English?
Well, is there...
- Did you get anybody?
- I am looking for my son!
No, I can't find anybody.
They're all shopping.
Nobody's home for the holidays.
Never mind, forget it.
- This is so pointless.
- What?
We're here rotting in this apartment.
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.
- So?
- You're not worried about Kevin?
Why should I be? He acted like a jerk
and now he caught it in the butt.
He's so little and helpless.
Don't you think he's freaked?
The trout can use a couple of days
in the real world.
You're not worried
something might happen?
No. For three reasons:
A. I'm not that lucky.
Two: We have smoke detectors...
...and D: We live in the most boring
street in the United States...
...where nothing even remotely
dangerous will ever happen. Period.
Who is it?
It's Little Nero's.
I have your pizza.
Leave it on the doorstep
and get out of here.
Okay.
What about the money?
What money?
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
That'll be $11.80, sir.
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
- Cheapskate.
- Hey.
I'm gonna give you
to the count of ten...
... to get your ugly, yellow...
... no-good keister
off my property...
... before I pump you full of lead.
One, two... ten.
A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
- To Dallas/Forth Worth.
American Airlines...
So we have the $500,
the pocket translator...
...the two first-class seats,
that's an upgrade...
Is that a real Rolex?
- Do you think it is?
- No.
But who can tell?
I also have a ring.
Oh, that is beautiful!
They're boarding.
She's offered us two first-class
tickets if we go Friday.
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and...
The earrings.
She's got her own earrings.
A whole shoebox full of them.
- Come on, come on.
- No, but...
I'm desperate.
I'm begging you.
From a mother to a mother. Please!
- Oh, Ed.
- Please!
Oh, all right.
"Dear Santa, I got a little sister
last year.
This year I'd rather have
some Clay-Doh. "
I didn't mean it.
If you come back, I'll never be
a pain in the butt again.
I promise. Good night.
I'm dreaming
Of a white
Christmas
Just like the ones
I used to know
Where those treetops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells
In the snow
The snow
Are those microwave dinners good?
- I don't know.
- I'll give them a whirl.
For the kids.
Hold on, I got a coupon for that.