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Mom, with all due respect...
it's a scam to get out
of his science project...
because his bug died.
His face doesn't look that bad.
But his body is covered.
Would that include
his buttock region?
Shut up!
This is great.
lf he scratches
his chicken spots...
we can call him scarbutt.
KAREN: Leave!
JACK: Good-bye.
l'll go make you some soup.
l'll bring the TV up
from the family room.
KAREN: Oh, l'm so sorry.
JACK: Hey. Don't scratch.
Keep that under your tongue.
l'll be right back.
Nice family, huh, Doris?
SlNGER: Up in the morning,
off to school.
JACK: You should get going.
STAN: See you later, dad.
SlNGER: To teach you
the golden rule.
American history
and practical math.
You study them hard
and hope to pass.
Rock, rock, rock 'n' roll.
SlNGER: Feeling is there,
body and soul.
Ring, ring goes the bell.
Mr. Greenfield's 401k
is invested in the ltha fund.
You have it listed
in the Midcap fund.
That's where
your 3,000 shortfall is.
[Bell rings]
BRUCE: We'll make it up
next quarter.
Bruce, can l--l have to put you
on hold one second.
Alex? l'm on with the office.
So l think that what we need--
[Bell rings]
l'm really sorry, Bruce.
Can l call you back?
- Sure.
You rang?
Thanks, mom.
REALTOR: Oh, here we are.
WOMAN: l wish my husband
could have been here today.
Well, it's a cozy little place.
Well, isn't this charming?
And it's available immediately.
My boys are just gonna
love it here.
Yes, they will.
TV: Plus special care
and feeding tips...
next on Pets on Parade.
Look, Doris.
[Frantic squeaking]
lf you think that was amusing,
wait'll you see what l do next.
Oh, yeah.
This is a very important piece.
[Rock music plays]
SlNGER: Ah ah ah ah.
SlNGER: lt's wearing me down.
[Click click]
ALlCE: Sit.
UNGER: l can't wait
for next week.
l hate dogs.
we've been over all this.
You know l can't come in.
Alex is sick.
Oh, God, you're kidding.
How long is he in town?
No, that's OK.
Mary Lou can handle it.
She can. She can access the--
l know l promised you...
but my child wasn't sick then.
There's no--
OK, fine. One hour.
l can come in for one hour.
That's it.
lf Alex beeps me, l'm gone.
You can fire me if you want to,
but l'm gone.
And Charlie...
You're putting me in the
position of having to choose...
between making a house payment
or caring for my sick child...
and l really
don't appreciate it.
Did you tell Charlie
that l'm desperately ill?
Thank you, Alex.
Yes, Charlie knows you're sick.
What about the Family Leave Act?
l just have to go
pick up some stuff...
and sign some papers
and show my face.
l'll be gone an hour
at the very most.
l called Mrs. Hess
and told her you'd be alone--
You called Mrs. Hess?
She knows l'm gonna be alone?
She said if anything comes up,
she'll be right over.
She wasn't happy about it, but--
She could get tanked up
on iced tea...
and come over
and make me smoke cigarettes.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
What do l do
if there's a tornado?
They don't happen in winter.
-Social unrest?
-l don't think so.
Boredom? l hear it's deadly
in old folks.
KAREN: Good-bye, sweetie.
What about crooks?
l don't think that's a problem
during the day, honey.
Why not?
Nobody's home during the day.
l'm only eight,
and l figured that out.
Don't you think a grown-up crook
would figure it out, too?
This is a very safe
There's only one road
in and out of here...
the doors will be locked,
you have all my numbers.
l'll be home as soon as l can.
But, mom, what about dragons...
giant spiders, mummies,
the living dead...
and other figments
of my imagination?
Alex, l can't help you there.
Only you can control
your imagination.
That's a scary thought.
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