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Quincy neither, I reckon.
Quincy used to just watch all the time.
Like I said...
...you ain't like that no more.
That's right.
I'm just a fellow now.
I ain't no different than anyone else.
No more.
All I want to know is
what son of a bitch shot him is all.
Was it one of them John Bulls?
No, sir.
The would-be assassin is a gentleman
of French ancestry. Or so it would seem.
I don't wish to give offense,
when I observe...
...the French are known
to be a race of assassins...
...who can't shoot worth a damn.
Any Frenchmen in the present company
are excluded, of course.
Says here a fellow by the name of Guiteau.
G- U-I-T-
Sure as hell sounds like a John Bull to me.
Well, sir, again,
I don't wish to give offense...
...when I suggest
that this country should select...
...a king or even a queen,
rather than a president.
One isn't that quick
to shoot a king or a queen.
The majesty of royalty, you see.
Maybe you don't wish to give offense, sir...
...but you are giving it pretty thick.
This country don't need
no queens whatsoever, I reckon.
- When I heard about queens-
- Shut up, Joe.
What the hell's wrong with you, Thurston?
This dude-
Might be that this dude here is English Bob.
He's the one that works for the railroad
shooting Chinamen.
Might be he's waiting for some cowboy...
...to touch his pistol
so he can shoot him down.
Is that a fact, mister?
You English Bob?
Let's shoot some pheasants.
Ten shots.
And let's say $1 a pheasant.
I'll shoot for the queen, and you for...
That's eight for me and one for you.
That comes to $7.
Pretty damn good shooting...
...for a John Bull.
No doubt your aim
was affected by your grief...
...over the injury to your president.
It's the climate that does it.
That, and the infernal distances.
Does what?
Induces people to shoot
persons in high places.
You know, it's a savage country, really.
That's the second one they shot in 20 years.
It's uncivilized
shooting persons of substance.
Thank you.
Pardon me, gentlemen.
Local ordinance obliges you
to surrender all sidearms...
...to the proper authorities
for the duration of your visit.
Proper authority?
I can assure you, young man...
...that neither my companion
nor I carry firearms on our person.
We rely upon the goodwill
of our fellow man and the...
...forbearance of reptiles.
Unarmed, my ass.
Christ, it's hot.
If I'm going to get shot,
I'd rather it was hot than cold.
Everything hurts me more when it's cold.
- You hit your thumb in the cold-
- Shut up, Fatty!
- I only said-
- Clyde's back.
- Is Little Bill with him?
- No.
- You boys clean my Remington?
- Cleaned and loaded.
Where's Little Bill, for Christ's sake?
Building his damn porch.
Building his porch?
If you got shot, would you like it better
on a hot or cold day?
I ain't going to get shot.
He's coming, ain't he?
Of course he's coming.
I just loaded that.
I don't trust nobody
to load my guns for a shooting.
What'd he say?
Bill didn't say nothing.
He said he was building his porch.
You seen that thing?
It was all loaded.
You got three pistols
and you only got one arm!
I just don't want to get killed
for lack of shooting back.
He don't have a straight angle
on that whole damn porch!
Or the whole house, for that matter!
He is the worst damn carpenter.
He didn't say nothing?
Asked what they looked like.
Maybe he's tough
but he sure ain't no carpenter.
Maybe he ain't so tough.
Seem like he was scared?
Little Bill? Him scared?
We've never seen him
up against any like these ones.
Little Bill comes out
of Kansas and Texas, boys.
He worked them tough towns.
Just wondered.
Anybody could be scared.
He wasn't scared, boys.
He just ain't no carpenter.
There's a dignity in royalty. A majesty that
precludes the likelihood of assassination.
If you were to point a pistol at a queen...
...your hands would shake
as though palsied.

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