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На лоне природы

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bear story to upset you.
So I'm here to say
that there is no bear
and that all Uncle Chet was saying
was just a yarn for our entertainment
and even if there were a bear,
I'm in the house to protect you.
So, no more thinking about bears,
all right?
No more unpleasant things.
We're going to close our eyes
and dream about nice things.
About cuddly, soft, fluffy things.
Good night. Sleep tight.
'Hey, kids...
New people in the loon's nest.'
'They have Illinois plates, Mom.'
'lf they're from Chicago,
we'll be eating good.
'Lobster tails!
'A shitload of raw hot dogs.'
'You know what they're made of...
'lips and assholes!'
Chet? Where are you?
Oh, God! That's rotted. Oh!
Jerry Asner, please. Roman Craig.
Yeah, I can't hold for long.
My signal's kind of weak.
- Honey?
- Yes, Roman?
Why do Chet's kids look at him
like he's Zeus?
My kids look at me like
I'm a rack of yard tools at Sears.
I mean, why can't they connect
with me?
Maybe if you spent less time at work,
things would be different.
Put a cork in it, honey.
Talkin' business. Jerry?
Roman. How are you?
I'll save us trouble
and cut right to the chase.
I've got an investment opportunity.
You got about three minutes
and 25 grand? Jerry?
Did you hear what I said?
Lost the signal.
These phones don't work.
- Maybe he hung up.
- Why would a minister hang up?
- I've been to his church.
- Oh, yeah. Once!
All right!
How about that?
We'll be scraping the bugs
off our teeth with this!
- Dad.
- That's too much boat.
- Look...
- It's just too much.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure. You hungry?
Give me four chili dogs
and two plain dogs, please.
- That's six hot dogs.
- It's for everybody.
And I'm hungry.
- So?
- Yeah.
Do you mind if I just walk around?
Cruise the town?
I can walk back when I'm done.
All right. But you gotta promise me
we'll spend some time together.
- That's why we're here.
- I know.
That's the whole point -
to be in the woods,
together, rugged,
manly, the full nine yards.
- Exactly.
- Right?
- Give me a hug.
- What?
- Give me a hug.
- Dad...
- I'm too old for hugs.
- You're never too old for hugs.
- Can I go now? Thank you very much.
- Go.
Bring back your friends
for a ride in "suck my wake".
You've got it in neutral!
It's OK.
It's in neutral. You gotta put it...
- OK.
- I'll figure it out. Just give me the skis.
I'm sorry. I forgot.
You're a professional skier.
You don't need any notes.
Any help from someone
who might know about skiing.
- We'll go over it once more.
- Fine.
- This is important.
- OK!
What are we doing sitting here?
He's teaching the kid.
He wants Benny to be safe.
Lean back. That feel better?
There you go. We're leaning back.
There's trouble.
- What?
- Trouble. There's trouble.
Come on. What do we do?
Let go of the rope.
If you're in trouble,
let go of the rope.
Remember, go loose when you fall.
Just go loose.
- What's he doing?
- I don't know.
- He's shaking.
- He's got a new dance.
- Hold this. Thanks, Dad.
- Are you going to ski or what?
I can't tell you how important this is.
Let's go. Ski or flee.
Honey, he's waving.
- He's going?
- He's going. Great.
Hey, Dad, let go of the rope!
Oh, my God!
Help me, for God's sake!
Holy shit!
Oh, no!
You bastard!
- You bastard!
- What's he saying?
- You bastard!
- What's he saying?
- Faster.
- Faster?
Go faster.
What the hell are you doing?
I'd love to see him rocksie!
I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!
I'm dead! I'm dying! I'm dying!
I'm dying! I'm dying!
I'm alive. I'm alive.
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, no!
What a show! What a champion!
- What are you doing?
- What does it look like?
I am not taking any more
of Roman's crap.
You can stay cos I'm out of here.
What happened that got you so crazy?
What happened?
Come on, what happened?
How about Roman dragging me
all over the goddamn lake?
- Have you seen my
На лоне природы На лоне природы

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