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The ACME Corporation is in hot pursuit
of the Blue Monkey diamond...
a supernatural gem with the ability
to turn people into monkeys...
and then back again.
It is the ACME chairman's goal
to turn the population...
into monkey slaves
to manufacture shoddy ACME goods...
and then change them back to people
to buy the stuff.
Unbelievable, you may say.
Your mission is this. ;
Find it, destroy it, save humanity.
And remember,
no one wants to be turned into a monkey.
So that's why.
Those guys came after my dad
because he was going to save the world.
So that means if I go after the diamond,
then the bad guys come after me.
Hang on.
You're not seriously thinking about--
Taking over your father's mission?
- I guess that would be all right.
- What?
Listen, if you're going to be a spy,
you'll need spy stuff.
So, is this where you keep
all the high-tech spy gadgets?
That's cool. So I get to use all this stuff?
No, your stuff is over here.
But I really like the...
All right. Looks like an ordinary cell phone.
Three-way calling, voice dialing,
downloadable ringtones.
- My phone does all that.
- Superconducting electromagnet.
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
GPS with mapping software...
tip calculator, Gameboy.
High-powered laser.
Polycarbonate rappelling line
with jet-propelled micro grappling hook.
Nose hair trimmer.
You always want to look your best.
Get over here, you idiot.
No, cold. Cold. Warm, warmer.
Permit me, madam.
Robert, darling. Excellent choice.
Swank pants.
And comfortable, too.
Plus, liquid hydrogen rocket pockets,
here and here.
And stitching,
nuclear-powered crotch pad...
He'll be down in a moment.
Wakey, wakey, friends.
Time to wreak mayhem
in the cause of evil.
Mother, just one last question.
What's the deal with this card?
That is the window
into what lies behind her smile.
I'm sorry, our intelligence people
feel a need to code everything in a riddle.
They get some kind of perverse pleasure
out of it. I think it's corporate.
All humans.
Looks like we got company.
Illegal aliens.
Exterminate them.
Darn. I knew this day would come.
Let us exterminate them.
Emergency shutdown activated.
Force-barrier seal in 30 seconds.
The playing card, please.
I'll take that. Out of my way.
Hero coming through.
There is no escape.
You pesky fowl!
Isn't it about time to enjoy a frosty,
cold soda at the concession stand?
Get the lead out. Bus is leaving.
Halt or be fricasseed.
That was fun.
Looking for this?
Now, what did she mean by a window?
The window into what lies
behind her smile.
That's the Mona Lisa.
- Which is in the Louvre.
- Which is in Paris.
Just how are we supposed to get to Paris?
Like this.
It doesn't look like
much of a window to me.
Maybe the diamond is in the painting.
- All we have to do is steal the Mona Lisa.
- Way ahead of you.
- No, you look, you don't touch, right?
- Yeah.
But I'm already in costume.
- That's a good look for you.
- Do you think so?
Wait a minute.
It is a window.
It's an X-ray.
It's a map of Africa.
Maybe that's where the diamond is.
Hold it up. I'll take a picture.
Can I take a picture? Please?
Come on, give me your phone.
I want to take a picture, too.
Cheese it, the cops.
He's gone.
So let me take a picture, will you?
I want to take a picture, too.
Come on, please? Can I hold the window?
Let me see the window.
I'll take that!
What gives, doc?
We made 35 pictures together.
As it turns out, I'm secretly evil.
That's show biz for you.
Now make with the card,
so I can please my dark masters.
Yes, sir. Queen of diamonds is your card.
Just put it back in the deck,
anywhere is fine. And oopsie-daisy!
- Is this your card?
- No.
- This?
- No.
- Run. This?
- No.
I said it
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