forgotten
what it's like to be in love!
Hear that? l'm so old and decrepit, l've
forgotten how it feels to want somebody.
Peggy didn't mean that.
Did you, darling?
No.
l don't know what l do mean.
lt's just that everything has
always been so perfect for you.
You loved each other
and you got married in a big church
and you had a honeymoon
in the South of France.
You never had any trouble of any kind.
So how can you possibly understand
how it is with Fred and me?
We never had any trouble?
How many times have l told you
l hated you and believed it in my heart?
How many times have you said you were
sick of me, that we were all washed up?
How many times have we had to
fall in love all over again?
l'm sorry, Mom.
Never mind about that, darling.
- Fred.
- Hiya, Butch.
- Hello, Fred.
- Al here?
- He's back there, waiting for you.
- See you later.
- Hiya, Al.
- Sit down, Fred.
- What are you drinking?
- A cup of coffee. Gotta have a clear head.
- A cup of coffee and a bourbon and soda.
- Yes, sir.
What's on your mind, Al? Want to
borrow some money or something?
l, uh... called you to ask you a question.
OK. Shoot.
Are you in love with Peggy?
- ls there a law compelling me to answer?
- No.
Nevertheless, l repeat:
are you in love with Peggy?
Yes.
l thank you for a short and honest answer.
You're welcome.
Now what do we take up next?
Your wife. What about her?
Where does she fit
in this romantic situation?
ls that any of your business?
That's what Peggy said -
that it's none of my business.
Oh, you've had her on the carpet, too.
She volunteered some information
to her mother and me.
You see, we have a rather unusual
relationship in our family.
lt may seem corny and mid-Victorian,
but we tell each other things.
l happen to be quite fond of Peggy, and l...
You don't want her mixed up with a heel.
l haven't called you a heel. Yet.
l just don't want to see her
get into this mess.
OK, chum, what do we do now?
Step out and settle this thing in the alley?
l wouldn't want to recommend
that as a solution.
l've learned to fight dirty.
lf l got tangled up with you,
l might break your neck.
l wouldn't like that.
- You see, l'm quite fond of you, too.
- Thanks.
But l don't like the idea of you
sneaking around corners to see Peggy,
taking her love on a bootleg basis.
l give you fair warning, l'll do everything
l can to keep her away from you,
to help her forget about you and get her
married to a guy who'll make her happy.
Then l guess that's it, Al.
l don't see her any more.
l'll put that in the form of a guarantee.
l won't see her any more.
l'll call her up and tell her so.
- That satisfy you?
- Yeah.
- Anything else on your mind?
- No.
OK, chum. So long.
So long, Fred.
The drinks are on me.
- Hello, Homer.
- Hi, Steve.
Say, Al Stephenson's back there.
- Al?
- Yeah.
- Hi, Al.
- Hello, Homer.
- How are you?
- Fine, thanks.
- Hello, Homer.
- Hi, Butch.
- Say, let's show Al that new routine.
- Sure.
Got something to show you, Al.
Well, come on.
- Boy, wait till you hear this.
- All set, kid?
- l'm ready when you are.
- OK. One, two, three.
(  ''Chopsticks'')
That's fine!
What's the matter?
Didn't you like it, Al?
Sure, it was swell. l thought you were
kidding about the piano lessons.
Fred! Hey, Fred!
That was Fred.
Yeah.
- ls anything wrong?
- No, he had to go back to the drugstore.
Come on, Homer, buy me a drink.
Who was it?
Fred.
He said he's sorry for what happened,
but it was just one of those things.
He said it wouldn't be fair to his wife for
us to see each other any more because...
l'm obviously the kind of girl
that takes these things too seriously.
Then he said goodbye,
very politely, and hung up.
Well, l guess you and Dad
won't have to worry about me any more.
That's the end of my career
as a home-wrecker.
Mom, l know you feel sorry for me.
You think my poor little heart is broken.
But you can save your