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Клуб «Завтрак»

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Your dad works here?
- Carl, can I ask you a question?
- (Carl) Sure.
- How does one become a janitor?
- You want to be a janitor?
No, I just want to know
how one becomes a janitor
because Andrew is interested
in a career in the custodial arts.
Oh, really?
You guys think I'm just some
untouchable peasant, a peon.
Maybe so. But following a broom
around after shitheads like you,
I've learnt a couple of things.
I look through your letters,
I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations.
I do.
I am the eyes and ears
of this institution, my friends.
By the way,
that clock's 20 minutes fast.
Shit!
(Whistling to the tune
of the "Colonel Bogey March")
(Door opens)
(Bender continues whistling)
All right, girls. 30 minutes for lunch.
- Here?
- (Vernon) Here.
I think the cafeteria
would be more suitable.
- I don't care what you think, Andrew.
- (Bender) Dick?
Excuse me.
Rich, will milk be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty, sir.
- I dehydrate badly.
I've seen her dehydrate, sir.
It's gross.
- Relax. I'll get it.
- (Vernon) Ah, ah, ah!
Grab some wood there, bub!
Do you think I was born yesterday?
You think I'm having you
roaming these halls?
You.
And you. Hey!
What's her name? Wake her up!
On your feet, missy. Let's go.
This is no rest home.
There's a drinks machine
in the teachers' lounge. Let's go.
So, what's your poison?
What do you drink?
OK, forget I asked.
Vodka.
Vodka? When do you drink vodka?
Whenever.
- A lot?
- Tons.
Is that why you're here today?
Why are you here?
Why are you here?
I'm here today because...
...my coach and my father
don't want me to blow my ride.
I get treated differently
because Coach thinks I'm a winner.
So does my old man.
I'm not a winner because I want to be.
I'm a winner because I've got strength
and speed. Like a race horse.
That's how involved I am
in what's happening to me.
Yeah?
That's very interesting.
Now why don't you tell me
why you're really in here?
Forget it!
Claire, want to see a picture of a guy
with elephantiasis of the nuts?
- It's pretty tasty.
- No, thank you.
(Bender)
How do you think he rides a bike?
- You'd consider dating a guy like this?
- Leave me alone.
If he had a great personality
and a cool car...
Although you'd have to ride
in the back seat because of his nuts.
- You know what I wish?
- Watch it. Brian is a cherry.
- A cherry?
- I wish I was on a plane to France.
- I'm not a cherry.
- When have you ever gotten laid?
- I've laid lots of times.
- Name one.
She lives in Canada.
I met her at Niagara Falls.
- You wouldn't know her.
- Ever laid anyone around here.
You and Claire did it?
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. Let's just drop it.
What?
Brian's telling me that,
in addition to girls in Niagara Falls,
you and he are riding
the hobby horse.
- Little pig!
- No, I'm not!
John said I was a cherry
and I said I wasn't.
Then what were you motioning
to Claire for?
- I don't appreciate this much, Brian.
- He is lying.
- You weren't motioning to Claire?
- You know he's lying.
(Bender) Were you
or were you not motioning to Claire?
Yeah, but it was only because I didn't
want her to know that I was a virgin.
Excuse me for being a virgin.
I'm sorry.
Why didn't you want me to know?
It's my personal, private business.
It doesn't sound
like you're doing any business.
I think it's OK for a guy to be a virgin.
You do?
- What's in there?
- Guess.
- Where's your lunch?
- You're wearing it.
You're nauseating.
- What's that?
- Sushi.
Sushi?
Rice, raw fish and seaweed.
You won't accept a guy's tongue
in your mouth, but you eat that?
- Can I eat?
- I don't know. Give it a try.
(Slurps)
What's your problem?
(Crunching)
What are we having?
It's just your standard,
regular lunch, I guess.
- Milk?
- Soup.
- That's apple juice.
- I can read.
P.B. and J.
with the crusts cut off.
Brian, this is a very nutritious
Клуб «Завтрак» Клуб «Завтрак»

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