Oh.
This is the worst fake I.D.
I've ever seen.
Do you realize
you made yourself 68?
I know. I know.
I goofed it.
What do you need
a fake I.D. For?
So I can vote.
You wanna see
what's in my bag?
No.
Holy shit!
What is all that stuff?
Do you always carry
this much shit in your bag?
Yeah.
I always carry
this much shit in my bag.
You never know when
you may have to jam.
Are you gonna be,
like, a shopping bag lady?
You know, like,
sit in alley ways...
and talk to buildings
and wear men's shoes
and that kind of thing?
I'll do what
I have to do.
Why do you have to
do anything?
My home life...
is unsatisfying.
So you're saying you'd subject yourself
to the violent dangers...
of these Chicago streets
because your home life is unsatisfying?
I don't have to run away
and live in the street.
I can run away
and go to the ocean.
I can go to the country,
to the mountains.
I could go to Israel,
Africa... Afghanistan.
Andy, wanna get in
on this?
Allison here says
she wants to run away...
because her home life
is unsatisfying.
Well, everyone's home life
is unsatisfying.
And if it wasn't,
people would live
with their parents forever.
Yeah, yeah, I understand,
but I think hers goes beyond...
what, you know,
guys like you and me
consider normal unsatisfying.
Never mind. Forget it.
Everything's cool.
- What's the deal?
- No.
There's no deal, sporto.
Forget it.
Leave me alone.
Wait a minute.
You're carrying all that crap
around in your purse.
Either you really wanna
run away, or you want people
to think you wanna run away.
Eat shit!
The girl is an island
unto herself, okay?
Hi.
You wanna talk?
No.
Why not?
Go away.
Where do you
want me to go?
Go away!
- You have problems.
- Oh, I have problems.
You do everything
everybody tells you to do.
That is a problem.
Okay, fine.
But I didn't dump my purse
out on the couch...
and invite people
into my problems, did I?
So what's wrong?
What is it?
Is it bad?
Real bad?
Parents?
Yeah.
What did they do to you?
They ignore me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did you wanna be
when you were young?
When I was a kid,
I wanted to beJohn Lennon.
Carl, don't be a goof.
I'm trying to make
a serious point here.
Carl, I've been teaching
for 22 years.
And each year, these kids
get more and more arrogant.
Oh, bullshit, man.
Come on, Vern.
- The kids haven't changed,
you have.
You took a teaching position
'cause you thought
it'd be fun, right?
Thought you could have
summer vacations off.
And then you found out
it was actually work.
That really bummed you out.
These kids turned on me.
They think
I'm a big fucking joke.
Come on.
Listen, Vern. If you were 16,
what would you think of you?
Hey, Carl, you think
I give one rat's ass
what these kids think of me?
Yes, I do.
You think about this.
When you get old, these kids...
when I get old... they're gonna be
running the country.
Yeah.
Now this is the thought
that wakes me up
in the middle of the night.
When I get older,
these kids are gonna
take care of me.
I wouldn't count on it.
What would I do
for a million bucks?
I guess I'd do
as little as I had to.
That's boring.
Well, how am I
supposed to answer?
The idea is to, like, search your mind
for the absolute limit.
Like, um... would you
drive to school naked?
Um... would I have to
get out of the car?
- Of course.
- In the spring or winter?
Doesn't matter. Spring.
In front of the school
or in back of the school?
- Either one.
- Yes.
I'd do that.
I'll do anything sexual.
I don't need a million dollars
to do it either.
- You're lying.
- I already have.
I've done just about
everything there is, except
a few things that are illegal.
- I'm a