/i>
think about why you're here.
Ponder the error
of your ways.
You may not talk.
You will not move
from these seats.
And you...
will not sleep.
All right, people,
we're going to try something
a little different today.
We are going to write an essay...
of no less than a thousand words...
describing to me
who you think you are.
Is this a test?
And when I say essay,
I mean essay.
I do not mean a single word
repeated a thousand times.
- Is that clear, Mr. Bender?
- Crystal.
Good. Maybe you'll learn
something about yourself.
Maybe you'll even decide
whether or not
you care to return.
Uh, I can answer
that right now, sir.
- That'd be no for me, 'cause...
- Sit down, Johnson.
Thank you, sir.
My office is right across
that hall. Any monkey business
is ill-advised.
Any questions?
Yeah. I got a question.
Does Barry Manilow know
that you raid his wardrobe?
I'll give you the answer to that question,
Mr. Bender, next Saturday.
Don't mess with the bull,
young man, you'll get the horns.
That man is
a brownie hound.
You keep eating your hand,
you're not going to be hungry for lunch.
I've seen you before,
you know.
Who I think I am.
Who are you?
Who are you?
I am a walrus.
It's the shits, huh?
I can't believe
this is really happening to me.
Oh, shit!
What are we supposed to
do if we have to piss?
Please.
If you got to go,
you got to go.
Oh, my God.
You're not
urinating in here, man.
Don't talk. Don't talk.
- It makes it crawl back up.
- You whip it out, you're dead
before the first drop hits.
You're pretty sexy
when you get angry.
Hey, homeboy, why don't you
go close that door.
We'll get the prom queen
impregnated.
Hey. Hey!
- What?
- If I lose my temper,
you're totalled, man.
- Totally?
- Totally.
Why don't you shut up?
Nobody here's interested.
Really. Buttface.
Hey, sporto, what'd you do
to get in here?
Forget to wash your jock?
Uh, excuse me, fellas,
I think we should
just write our papers.
Just because you live in here
doesn't give you the right
to be a pain in the ass.
So knock it off!
It's a free country.
He's just doing it
to get a rise out of you.
Just ignore him.
Sweets.
You couldn't ignore me
if you tried.
So...
so...
are you guys like
boyfriend-girlfriend?
Steady dates?
Lovers?
Come on, sporto.
Level with me.
Do you slip her
the hot-beef injection?
Go to hell!
Enough!
Hey! What's going on
in there?
Spoiled little pricks.
Scumbag.
What do you say
we close that door?
Can't have any kind of party with Vernon
checking us every few seconds.
You know the door's
supposed to stay open.
So what?
So why don't you
just shut up.
- There's four other
people in here, you know?
- God, you can count.
I knew you had to be smart
to be a wrestler.
Who the hell are you
to judge anybody anyway?
Really.
You know, Bender,
you don't even count.
If you disappear forever,
it wouldn't make any difference.
You may as well not even
exist at this school.
Well, I'll run right out
and join the wrestling team.
- Maybe the prep club too.
Student council.
Nah.
They wouldn't take you.
- I'm hurt.
- You know why guys like you
knock everything?
This should be stunning.
Because you're afraid.
Oh, God. You richies are
so smart. That's exactly why
I'm not heavy in activities.
- You're a big coward.
- I'm in a Math Club.
You're afraid that they won't
take you, you don't belong,
so you dump all over it.
Well, it wouldn't have anything
to do with you activities
people being assholes, would it?
Well, you wouldn't know.
You don't even know any of us.
Well, I don't know
any lepers either...
but I'm not going to run
and join one of their fucking clubs.
Hey, let's watch
the mouth, huh?