on some punk
like you.
But someday, man, someday...
when you're outta here
and you've forgotten
all about this place...
and they've forgotten about you,
and you're wrapped up
in your own pathetic life...
I'm gonna be there.
That's right. And I'm gonna kick
the livin' shit out of you.
I'm gonna knock
your dick in the dirt.
- You threatening me?
- What are you
going to do about it?
You think anybody's
gonna believe you?
You think anybody is gonna
take your word over mine?
I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me around here.
I'm a swell guy.
You're a lying sack of shit,
and everybody knows it.
You're a real tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on.
Get on your feet, pal!
Let's find out how tough you are.
I wanna know, right now,
how tough you are. Come on.
I'll give you
the first punch. Let's go.
Come on. Right here.
Just take the first shot.
Please. I'm begging you.
Take a shot. Right here.
Just take one shot.
That's all I need.
Just one swing.
That's what I thought.
You're a gutless turd.
A naked blond
walks into a bar...
with a poodle
under one arm...
and a two-foot salami
under the other.
She lays the poodle
on the table.
Bartender says, "I suppose
you won't be needing a drink."
Naked lady says...
Oh, shit!
Jesus Christ Almighty!
Forgot my pencil.
Goddamn it!
What in God's name
is going on in here?
- What was that ruckus?
- What ruckus?
I was in my office,
and I heard a ruckus.
Could you describe
the ruckus, sir.
- Watch your tongue, young man.
Watch it.
What is this?
- What is that? What-What...
What is that noise?
- What noise?
Really sir, there wasn't
any noise.
Ow!
That noise?
Was that the noise
you were talking about?
No, it wasn't.
That was not the noise
I was talking about.
Now, I may not have caught you
in the act this time,
but you can bet I will.
You make book
on that, missy.
And you!
I will not be made a fool of.
It was an accident.
You're an asshole.
Sue me.
So, Ahab, can I have
all my doobage?
Yo, wastoid. You're not gonna
blaze up in here.
Shit!
Chicks cannot
hold their smoke.
That's what it is.
Do you know
how popular I am?
I am so popular.
Everybody loves me so much
at this school.
Poor baby.
Five.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Ow!
Mr... Oh, Mr. Tierney.
A history
of slight mental illness.
No wonder he's so fucked up.
Afternoon, Dick.
Good.
Hey, Carl. How you doing?
Good. What's up?
Not much. What's happening?
What are you doing
in the basement files?
Oh, nothing. Nothing here.
Just doing a little homework.
Homework, huh?
Yeah.
Confidential files, huh?
Look, Carl. This is
a highly sensitive area,
and I tell you something.
Certain people would be
very, very embarrassed.
I would really appreciate it
if-if this would be something...
that you and I could...
could keep between us.
What are you gonna
do for me, man?
What would you like?
Got 50 bucks?
What?
Fifty bucks.
No, no, no, man.
No, you got a middle name?
Yeah, I guess.
Your middle name
is Ralph, as in puke.
Your birthday,
it's March 12.
You're 5'91/2".
You weigh 130 pounds.
And your
social security number is...
049-38-0913.
Wow.
Are you a psychic?
No.
Would you mind telling me
how you know all this about me?
I stole your wallet.
Give it to me.
No.
Give it!
This is great.
You're a thief too, huh?
I'm not a thief.
Multitalented.
What's there to steal?
Two bucks and a beaver shot.
A what?
He's got a nudie picture in there.
I saw it. It's perverted.
All right.
Let's see it.
- Are all these your girlfriends?
- Some of'em.
What about the others?
Well, some I consider my girlfriends,
and some I just consider.
Consider what?
Whether or not I wanna
hang out with them.
You don't believe
in just one guy, one girl?
- Do you?
- Yeah.
- It's the way it should be.
- Well, not for me.