know what?
Mommy will give you
a willy wonka laffy taffy.
- Laffy taffy!
- Jan, we talked about this.
You tell me the difference
between bribery
And positive reinforcement.
That looked like
a bribe to me.
You know what, uncle Tony?
Butt the fuck out.
In front of the baby.
They're in the kitchen.
Night-Night.
I could tape you. Send
it to "parents magazine."
What's that supposed
to mean?
When we were kids,
remember?
You tape-Recorded me
and barb fighting.
You blackmailed us
for over a fucking month.
- I did no such thing.
- Oh! Yeah, you did.
- You fed him a milk-Bone.
- You what?
You want to swap
family stories, Ton'?
How about the time
that mom and dad
Were coming back
from the copa?
That's enough, Janice.
And ma's hair...
that never even happened. And anyway,
it's not for public consumption.
- Oh, my God, what?
- They're driving back from Manhattan
With uncle jun
and his goomar.
Oh, what was
her name, Tony?
- Your ass. - That's how we
heard the story-- Through her.
Rose marie.
Anyway,
My father's driving,
And she's ragging on his ass.
You know how she'd get.
He'd been drinking,
I guess.
- And he takes out his gun.
- Oh my God.
- Boom!
- Holy shit.
Fucking blew it
Right through
her beehive hairdo.
I can't believe you
never told me that story.
Yeah,
what's the big deal?
'Cause it makes us look like
a fucking dysfunctional family.
- Jesus Christ!
- My turn.
And don't you ever tell the kids
that about their grandfather.
Of course not.
So did you guys look at her
hair? Was there powder burns?
She had it bobbed
the next day.
- Play the game.
- Okay okay.
Doubles.
Ah, one-Two-Three,
four-Five-Six...
boardwalk--
I own it.
You blew guys
under it.
I roll again.
Okay.
"Second prize in
a beauty contest.
Collect $10."
Go ahead!
Make your stupid joke.
I got nothing to say.
Think I'll buy
a railroad.
A german shepherd's shaved
asshole won first prize.
Ho-- You're talking
about my wife.
- You married her.
- This is my home.
No more talking
like that.
- It's okay, Bobby.
- Stay outta this.
You sopranos--
You go too far.
All right. You know,
jan, he's right.
I'm sorry.
I crossed the line.
- Apologize.
It won't happen again.
My turn--
Oh fuck, income tax.
...with his schlong
in jan's mouth...
- oh, Tony!
- Bobby!
No, stop!
What are you doing?
Stop that now!
You fuck!
Tony!
Tony!
Stop it!
Ow!
Bobby!
What the fuck are you doing? Stop!
Stop!
Bobby!
Mommy!
- Mommy!
- What do we pay you for? Put her to bed.
Bobby!
Tony-- Tony,
are you all right?
Oh, Jesus.
Come on-- Oh.
Bobby-- Stop.
Stop, you are
in no condition.
You'll kill
yourself!
Fuck!
I'm okay.
Oh, my shoulder
is killing me.
Jesus fucking Christ,
Tony.
Is he all right?
Hold it, everybody.
Look, Ton',
I'm really sorry.
Bobby,
just shut up.
Let's all just
go to bed.
I'll go get
some ice.
What the fuck were
you thinking?
You're my wife.
He insulted you.
I'm a big girl.
I can take care of myself.
Oh, God, he is
head of the family.
Do you think he's just gonna wake
up tomorrow and forget about this?
What the fuck
are you doing?
You beat me
fair and square.
Come on,
let's just...
well, I hope
you're proud of yourself.
How's your shoulder?
- Great.
- Maybe we should have it looked at.
I'm packed.
I would like to go.
You were right. You told me
to ease up on the drinking.
You shoulda' insisted.
So now it's my fault?
Go wash your face
so we can leave.
I hope you're hungry.
I made a frittata.
And ramos fizzes.
Well, thank you but we think
it'd be better if we left.
Not because of
last night?
It's for the best.
Come on,
we're family!
Jesus, these
things happen.
I really think we'd all
be more comfortable.
We had a little
too much to drink,
But no harm done. The whole
thing's already forgotten.
Besides, Tony, we have that
thing