you please? That show of force, Was that all about humiliating dad? Your honor, the police pulled over some kid And found a baggie with cocaine residue. They also found a gun loaded With hollow-Point bullets on the floor. Now in order to beat the rap, This 16-Year-Old punk Claims he saw my client Drop that weapon. And mind you, not yesterday, But over two years ago, Using it in the meantime to shoot at cans And impress his friends. I gotta tell you, Phil, you look fantastic. - As in science fiction? - No. What? Come on. Fucking empty compliments. I had major fucking coronary disease. - He's not shitting you, Phil. - I broke my fucking gazz in Florida On that goddamn recumbent bike, I'll tell you that. Would I shit you? You're my favorite turd. Fucking kid. Why don't you get a real bike, Have some beach pussy to look at While you're working the heart? Go over the handlebars, have some fucking head trauma? That's all I need. I'm 66 years old. Anyway, Phil, welcome home. Thanks. Don't listen to me. I'm a cranky fuck lately. - Lately? - Ooh! Why don't you get a bike, you fat fuck? Ho... - how are you, doc? - Let me get a drink. I'll be right back. All right. Glad you're back, Phil. This fucking guy. How you doing? I'm here to enjoy my grandchildren, My home. Did you hear the news? Pork chop out in Jersey Got pinched on a weapon charge. Drops a gat in a field somewhere three fucking years ago. - What the fuck? - Jersey. Fucking farmers, I don't know. Yeah, he was probably going down on some sheep or some shit. Gun violence is a blight on essex county, And Mr. Soprano will be prosecuted To the fullest extent of the law... you know what that says, htor? That's your mommy's name-- Blanca. Blanca blanca blanca. That's mommy's name. AJ, can you turn that off, please? Tony. Take the yellow ribbons down, everybody. Our boy's come home. - Dad. - Hey. I'm fine. They let him out already? What she means is, in our neighborhood people don't get out right away. - Hello. - Where's Christopher? I don't know. I thought he was here. Hold on. It's Bobby. - Yeah. - You want me to come down? No, nothing a hot shower won't fix. Carm told jan you were on the fence about the weekend. I don't know. Sit around, chew the fat. We got the meeting with the canadians. Ton', with these hassles, you should make it up our way here. You know, maybe that's not such a bad idea. Mr. Federal attorney. - What can I do for you? - You had to have your cheap headline, huh? Can you really not be aware we've been building a Rico case Against Tony Soprano for five fucking years? Then you blow this popcorn fart. Are you gonna relax? It's just all this little stuff, Like my phone has one little bar up here. I mean, what if the broker's trying to contact me? Caravan for my house is on Tuesday, and the gas is still off. Mine works. - Hello. - Essex county dropped the charges. I told you it was a piece-Of-Shit case. Two years old, no decent prints. Santa Claus could have dropped that gun in the snow. They dropped the charges. Well, I'd say I owe you one, But I'm sure it's more than one. Neil, thanks again. Thank God. I really didn't want it hanging over your birthday. Can we forget already that it's my birthday? You say that and then you get upset if nobody makes a fuss. - Hi. - There you are. I was starting to get worried. Traffic was horrible. - I've had to pee since glen falls. - Well, go. Hey, sis. "National lampoon's vacation." How you doing? How are you? You know, I gotta admit it-- Every time, Once you're up here, It's pretty great. Aren't you adorable too With your matching dress just like mommy's? - Hi, Mercedes. - Hello. It's your favorite uncle. There she is. It's that little girl, But I forget her name. - Gladys? - Nica. -
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