Listen, drop us off in the centre.
Patsak! Stop.
What?
Don't come any closer.
Why do you want?
Take us to the centre!...
Three chatlas..
No money! But we'll work for it!
And what can you do?
Me? I can do everything!
And what exactly?
Vladimir Nikolaevich is a
builder foreman, he can build you a house
And what can you do?
Me?
He can play the violin!
Play...
Play.
I can't!
See you around, Patsaks.
Woman! Wait! I can play!
Play!
Here?
There!
Wait a minute...I can tune this up...
Play.
And sing.
Wait, wait!
How does it go...
Mama, mama, what should I do?...
Cool!
What?
I said, 'Cool!'
These people like it.
What?
These people like it!
Let me be a drummer.
How?
Foreman!
We don't need Skripach!
Don't worry, he can be useful.
Give us some water to drink, eh?
I said, after the performance.
And we could take it by force.
Then you'd have to ask us.
Oo! Touch me - etselop
will come and pull off your legs.
I don't give a damn about your etsilop!
Calm down, Skripach.
Don't provoke the lady...
Foreman!
Look...
Alright, I understand.
Listen, do you know anyone
with a gravitsapa and a pepelats?
Why?
Well he could drop us off on Earth,
and we'd give you a big box of ktse, and him...
I understand that your people
don't trust words, well read what I'm thinking...
...that your wife is phoning the morgues.
No, what exactly now I'm thinking.
What you're going to give us.
Then it's the truth.
What idiot on Plyuk thinks the truth?
Absurd!
So because you say what you don't think and
think what you don't think, so you live in cages.
All this bitter cataclysm which
I see here, and Vladimir Nikolaevich sees too...
Patsaks have to perform in a cage,
so we need a cage. Why show off?
Doesn't matter, my dear,
we will sing beside the cage.
Get in the cage or he will see us,
and will trankluk you.
We're not animals.
What???
No you will come inside!
Come inside!
Let go!
You will get in!
Wait!
Get in!
Get in, or he will melt us!
Okay, get in Skripach.
If she wants it that badly.
Get in.
One two three...
Dance!
Dance...
You know, try to find
another ensemble... my friend.
What???
I'll be back.
We've got to get out of here.
Boys, push the cart, it's uphill.
The pleasure is ours...
Gas!
See you, bastards!
I will tell everybody...
...where this buffoon PZh has led the planet.
Patsaks have walked all over chatlanians!
Well, everything there?
She stole the eau de cologne.
Women!...
Hang on, is that lead you got there?
Let me, uncle Vova.
I don't even know which way to look.
Where's the Earth?
Galina Borisovna! Comrade Mashkov and I, as patsaks, could receive two chatlas for a performance
- it's the maximum.
Water, luts and fines for
epsilops - a minimum of one chatl a day.
And a gravitsapa costs half a ktse!
That's two thousand two hundred chatls.
Divided by 365, take off Saturday and Sunday we get six. And
that's for those six years when I had no way of returning!
That's all very well, Gedevan Alexandrovich,
but these are just words.
Where is the proof, that you arrived from the cosmos,
and didn't sell the violin, as Professor Rogozin alleges,
and spent all this time in a disoteque in Garak?
Here's some rock.
Here's a chatl.
Here's a tsak.
And a nut and sand I attached to the explanation report and
handed in to Dean Raechke, so that it could be sent to UNESCO.
Where?
UNESCO.
You are a grown man, Gedevan Alexandrovich. You study for
one term and disappear for a year! And explain yourself...
With some pebble, some piece of old
Caucas ceramics, and a donkey bell!
A candidate for... well, as to that,
if you have musical talent,
then why didn't you participate in
our amateur performers course?
You will excuse me, Skripach,
but it's elementary koo!Part Two
Short Chatlo-patsak dictionary.
Ktse - matches
Tsak - Little bell for the nose.
Etsikh - Box for prisoners.
Etsilop - Member of the Council.
Pepelats - Interplanetary ship.