Patsak is talking all the time in
languages, the rest of which he doesn't know.
Why are you staring at me,
maimoona verishvilo.
They know Georgian too...
What did he say?
Ape son of a donkey.
So. We're from the Soviet Union,
here on a cultural exchange.
They know us, and where we are,
and can find us.
If you're not prepared to let us contact our embassy,
there will be large scale repercussions, is that clear?
We don't understand ‘embassy’,
put on the bell quickly!
That means you understand macaroni, you understand
maimuni, but you don’t know what's an embassy, idiots.
I've had enough!
You're morons, understand?
You thought about macaroni and I just repeated it.
This is not the Earth, and not Africa, my friend.
It's the planet Pluk, 215 in tenture. In the
galactic spiral of Kin Dza Dza. Do you understand?
How do you do? Let's go...
Wear the bells, my friend... Wear them.
There we are, well done.
Excuse me, where are we?
Sh! She has very sensitive ears.
Do you know the tenture of your own planet?
Tenture?
Well, tell me the number of
your galaxy in the spiral.
In the spiral?
In the spiral. The spiral...
Yes...
You know where the earth is. It orbits with such
planets as er... Venus, Saturn, Mars, Jupiter...
What others, Vladimir Nikolaevich?
The Great Bear.
Vladimir Nikolaevich - come here.
On your planet do you have more matches?
Well, you'll find them.
How many will you give us
if we set you back there?
How many do you need?
Two packs like these!
Seven!
Seven.
But give us what you have now,
I will buy a gravitsapa from them.
Sorry, but what is a gravitsapa?
Without a gravitsapa a pepelats
can only fly like this,
but with one you can reach
any point in the universe - in five seconds.
My friends, how is it that you bring a pepelats without
a gravitsapa from the garage? It's not in working order.
We had a gravitsapa. But when
we arrived here, it broke down.
Aha.
But don't you have a transference machine?
No.
No.
Give me the matches.
Give us some water.
Like this! You need to do this! Foo.. You
need to do this! Foo...Do this...Foo...
It's yours, now smoke like this.
Thank you.
He says there they have a gravitsapa.
Put your matches here.
Here's what we'll do. When you put us
on the earth, you can have them...
What do you mean?
Come on, Skripach, to the open cosmos.
Wait! Come back. Come back!
On mother earth you'll get them.
Vladimir Nikolaevich! You said
if we take you, you will give us them all.
But then you stole this match from us. Patsak
doesn't cheat patsak it's not nice, my friend...
I said - take us to the town!
And what's this?
A shed.
And what's this? What's this?
What's this here - not a town?!
You're trying to make fools of us. Show us your
gravitsapa. It's a trade thing. We'll take it.
Patsak! What kind of idiots have I got here who give me contraband ktse in
front of witnesses, when for that you'll get life imprisonment lying on nails?
Have you got a brain in your head or Kyoo?
We'll buy it ourselves. Come on.
Stop! Stop I say!
Who are you? I asked, who are you?
The new foreman.
No. You're a patsak. And who are you?
I'm a Georgian.
No, You're a patsak too. You're a patsak,
you're a patsak and he's a patsak.
But I'm chatlanian, and they are chatlanian.
So you wear the tsak and sit in
the pepelats, understand?
What?
Watch when I point this device at myself,
my friend... which point registers? Green.
Now at him, watch - green too.
And at you...Green.
Now look at Uef - which colour?
Orange?
Because he is Chatlanian!
Well, do you understand?
So what?
Pluk is the Chatlanian planet.
Therefore we, Patsaks, must wear the tsak...
Yes, and in front of we Chatlanians
you must do this...
Vladimir Nikolaevich, it's unashamed racism.
Show us again, please.
Like this!
If you would, a little slower...
Like this.
Vladimir Nikolaevich, you have a wife at home, a son doing
badly at school, a cooperative flat you haven't