the way to hand in a petition
to the tsar?
What do you mean? Stop your
hooliganism!
You and your drunken tricks! I'll file
a collective complaint against you!
I see you never stop, lackey!
Hello? Is that a psychiatric ward?
My husband has got a delirium tremens.
He attacks people with a knife.
- Stop! Take the knife away!
- The knife!
Just look at our activist!
He's an armed bandit!
- Lowly trash!
- You're trash yourself!
Lackey!
The police will decide who's a lackey
here!
Is it the police?
- Wait! He's not Bunsha!
- What do you mean, not Bunsha?
He's lvan the Terrible. The real one.
I'm busy. Call me later.
- Oh, my God! What's going on?
- I revealed a big secret to you.
I beg you to promise that you won't
tell anybody.
Of course! You have my word.
- Thank You.
- Don't mention it.
Hello? The police?
That's Shpak speaking, who's been
burglarized.
No, it's not about the robbery.
We've got something more weird here.
Engineer Timofeyev has a live
tsar in his apartment.
No, I don't drink.
With a dagger, cold steel...
I'm giving you my word of honor!
I'll be waiting.
I can imagine how they fight now
on lzyum Road.
Fedya, what are you doing there, by
the kidneys? Come here, don't be shy.
Here!
Let's drink to friendship!
Listen, old chap, do they accept
jewelry at your pawn shop?
- We can arrange it.
- Let's drink.
The tsarina is here, Sire.
She wants to see you.
Fedya, go back to the kidneys! It was a
bad move. You don't look like a tsar.
What? Whoa! Whoa!
Who are you talking to, lackey?
Dear tsarina! I'm so glad!
Nice meeting you! My pleasure.
Hello, I'm the tsar. Nice to meet you.
How do you do, I'm the tsar...
Very pleased, I'm the tsar. Nice to
meet you, I'm the tsar. Very pleased.
Please, come to our table.
This way, please.
Please...
Haven't we met before?
- What are you saying, shit?
- Whoa! Whoa!
Hey! Waiter!
One order of kidneys for the tsarina.
Excuse me for a minute.
- Sorry, your name, please?
- Why, I'm Marfa Vassilyevna.
Wonderful! Enchanting!
Marfa Vassilyevna, how enchanting!
A glass of cardamom vodka?
- Oh, no!
- Why? Please, don't refuse.
Your health!
Well, everyone keeps saying: Tsar,
tsar...
You think, Marfa Vassilyevna,
it's easy to be a tsar?
No, on the contrary!
Every working man has two days off,
and we, the tsars, have no days off.
And our working hours are not fixed.
Please, eat, Margarita Vassilyevna.
Everything has been paid for.
You know, a tsar's job is so unhealthy
that we should be given free milk.
They wrote it in the Health Magazine
that the nervous cells are never
restored.
You work and work, our great tsar,
just like a bee!
Margo, you alone understand me!
- One more glass to Go with a pike head?
- Oh, no! No!
Tell me, please, do you have
private rooms here?
- I see you're dead drunk!
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Why don't you play, maestro?
Strike up a song!
That's not a big black cloud coming...
A cloud!
That's not a thunderstorm striking...
A thunderstorm!
That's the tsar of Crimea, a vile dog...
A dog!
What do you mean, a dog?
How dare you sing such songs
about a tsar?
You got out of hand here, without me.
What kind of a repertoire is that?
You ought to sing songs for the masses,
something contemporary.
Like... how does it go?
Trali-vali, tili-tili.
We're not the tili-tili,
we're not the trali-vali.
Cool it, Vanya. We'll do everything.
Excuse me, what's your name again?
- I'm Marfa Vassilyevna!
- Yes, of course, Marfa.
Oh, Marfusha! The night is still young!
Give us a line,
and we'll pick it up.
Wait! Quiet!
All of a sudden,
Out of the blue,
Love knocked down
Upon my door.
Is that it? Is that you?
I couldn't hope for anything more.
Snow was falling, dawn after dawn,
Days were rainy and mean.
So many years, why were you gone?
Where have you ever been?
Like in a dream, the doorjust creaked,
And suddenly, all made sense.
Fate played tricks. Fate intrigued.
And