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Иван Васильевич меняет профессию

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going to
rub a hole through me with your eyes.
Do you realize
what you have just seen?
You bet! But tell me...
Can you lift a wall like that
in a store?
- My, what a useful invention!
- You came to Shapk's with a recorder?
Forget the wall.
The most important thing is that
through walls I can pierce space.
I can enter time.
I can go 200, 300 years back!
You have ignored my question
about the tape recorder.
Darn you!
What a machine! A breakthrough in
science and technology! Darn you again!
I can't wait!
Let's go back into the past
and see the ancient Moscow!
What are you saying, Timofeyev?
Before seeing the ancient Moscow,
get a permission from the authorities!
Just a minute!
If you mess again with the academic's
tests and stop technological progress...
- I'm going to...
- Calm down! Calm down! I got it.
Do it.
- I'm so nervous.
- Don't chicken! I'm here!
...to the heavenly abode...
...to the Reverend Father Superior,
Kuzma...
Kuzma...
the Tsar and Grand Duke of all Russia...
Of all Russia...
is bowing low.
Go on writing.
Look!
That's lvan the Terrible!
You're kidding!
Mamma mia!
The demons!
The demons!
The demons!
Away!
Stay away!
Woe is me, the sinner!
Woe is me, cursed murderer!
The evil spirit!
- Wait! Where are you going? Wait!
- Go away, vanish, evil spirit!
- Who are You calling?
- The police.
- Put down the phone.
- What? What do you mean?
- The phone! Put down the phone!
- Why? I won't!
Put down the phone, I say!
- Easy! Easy!
- I'll crush you, big hat!
Where are the demons?
Get them!
Wait! Wait!
They've bricked me up!
They've bricked me up, the demons!
That's what the life-giving cross
can do!
And where's the tsar?
You shouldn't drink so much.
Where are they?
Hurry! Move it!
Why are they yelling?
They cannot yell.
They're all dead.
See how those dead can shoot?
- Open up, dog!
- Whom is he addressing?
- You.
- Me?!
Oh, I feel so bad!
Bespeak again, aren't you a demon?
I told you already.
I'm not a demon!
Don't dare lying to me!
You're lying to a tsar!
Not by human wish, but by God's will,
am I the tsar!
Very well!
I see that you're a tsar...
Alas, alas, I'm the tsar
lvan Vassilyevich!
Send me back, magician!
I cannot! You see,
because of this pole-axe!
Thank you!
The transistors have burned,
so I cannot send you back
until I buy the new ones.
- Buy them, then.
- The stores are closed for lunch.
Oh, woe is me!
- Take it easy, lvan Vassilyevich!
- Oh, woe is me!
- Do You drink vodka?
- Yes, the anise one!
Good.
Unfortunately, there's no anise vodka.
I say, there's no anise vodka,
only Stolichnaya!
Drink it!
- Taste it from My cup.
- Why?
Go on, taste it...
You think I want to poison you?
We don't do that any more,
and in our day, you'd sooner get
poisoned with canned food, than vodka.
Don't be afraid, drink up!
- Let you be healthy, Boyar!
- Your health!
- Was it your housekeeper Who made it?
- Let's suppose so. Eat something!
- Who made this machine? You?
- Yes.
I had a man like you.
He made wings.
- Well?
- What do you mean, well?
I put him on a gun-powder barrel.
It made him fly! Ha-ha!
Why did you do it?
No, no. I don't drink. I don't drink,
lvan Vassilyevich. Thank you.
- Don't you have any respect for me?
- For God's sake, lvan Vassilyevich!
- Then drink.
- Just a little. Enough! Enough!
- Well, be healthy!
- Your health!
So, you live here?
- Well, very cramped quarters.
- Sure, it's not like tsar's chambers.
- Yes, that's right.
- Anyway, it's an individual flat.
And your woman,
is she at church?
My woman eloped today with
her lover, Yakin, to the Caucasus.
You are kidding?!
Did you send men to catch them?
When they catch them, first thing
have Yakin impaled, and then...
Why?
They're in love with each other.
I wish them every happiness.
How kind you are!
Oh, God! What's going on?
I sit here, while the Swedes
are taking Kem there.
Send me back, Boyar.
Go
Иван Васильевич меняет профессию Иван Васильевич меняет профессию

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