time machine back?
- What a scandaI awaits me at home!
- Why?
- I didn't teII UIyuana where I went.
- Oh, yes, of course.
We couIdn't care Iess,
We couIdn't care Iess,
Though owIs and woIves
Make us reaI wuss...
AIexander Sergeyevich! I'm sorry
to bother you during a famiIy crisis.
Did Ivan VassiIyevich drop by?
They're Iooking for him everywhere.
We couIdn't care Iess...
We firmIy beIieve...
CLOSED FOR INVENTORY
CLOSED FOR REDECORATION
What a scoundreI!
I shouIdn't have confessed
to this saintIy man!
Shurik, are you home?
Shurik!
Shurik!
What is that?
Oh, I've taken the bag ofthat
bastard, Yakin.
FILM STUDIO
First, this hystericaI woman
made a scene on the set,
and then she mixed up our suitcases.
AII this just an hour before our pIane!
Karp SaveIyevich!
I can't beIieve how Iucky I am.
Wait for me and I'II be back.
HeIIo? Anyuta, you won't beIieve it!
I'm fIying to Gagry
with Yakin.
Zinaida MikhaiIovna, I think
you reaIize
that it's aII over between us
after what you've done at the studio.
Karp SaveIyevich,
you're a scoundreI!
PIease, return my bag, and here's
yours.
- I hope that aII My things are in it?
- What?
Oh, you bastard! You jerk!
I Ieft my husband, that saintIy man
with aII the accommodations,
a genius, an inventor,
for this scoundreI...
My goodness, such briIIiant Iines!
You haven't heard reaI Iines yet!
And two hours before our Ieaving,
I find him with some witch,
whom he's hoIding by her hand,
and behaving
Iike a two-bitjerk.
We were rehearsing a scene.
This is my professionaI duty.
Profession de foi.
Enough! I'm fed up!
I'm Ieaving you
for director Budimir Kosoy
and his production of "Boris Godunov".
Kosoy is a fake.
And you're a faiIure!
For him, I'm going to pIay a tsarina.
Kosoy hasn't yet found anyone
for the part of Ivan the TerribIe.
What?
No Ivan the TerribIe?
- But I've aIready rehearsed with him!
- Where?
Here!
Right in this room!
And who's pIaying Tsar Boris?
Who?
What Tsar Boris?
- Boriska?
- What is it?
- Boriska is to become a tsar?
- What? Are you reaIIy rehearsing?
That's how he, sIy fox, is paying
for the good I've done him?
He wants to be a tsar
and take aII tsardom in his hand!
Death, that's what he deserves!
Oh, my God, what a character!
Bravo! Bravo!
PIease, go on!
Why did you hurt this Boyar woman,
you IowIy man?
It's great! It's amazing!
He's a genius!
Listen, I can't recognize you in your
makeup. Who are you?
Sergey Bondarchuk?
No.
Oh, you're Yuri NikuIin!
No, no, no.
Oh, my God!
Innokenty Smoktunovsky!
Kesha!
Why didn't you teII me?
- You vagabond, you viIe shrimp!
- Are you crazy?
There, get it,
son of a bitch!
Oh, my God!
You scoundreI! Son of a bitch!
Damned aduIterer!
He is a reaI tsar!
HeIp! Somebody! CaII the poIice!
On your knees, you worm!
I've caught you, Yakin! AduIterer
and son of a bitch!
Pray, son of a bitch!
This is your Iast prayer!
- Oh, you're rehearsing?
- Yes, we're rehearsing.
What do you mean, rehearsing?
CaII the poIice!
- Where are You going?
- I'm here. I'm here.
You act very weII!
And the tsar Iooks very authentic...
He Iooks just Iike Bunsha.
I've been robbed, Zinaida MikhaiIovna.
I'm waiting for the poIice with dogs.
Who do you beIong to?
Excuse me, comrade actor,
but what do you mean, "beIong"?
- Whose serf are You?
- Sorry, but I don't understand you.
A very stupid serf!
Excuse me, but why do you keep
caIIing me a serf?
- Where Did You get that word?
- It's from the part he's pIaying.
That part is denigrating!
PIease, don't appIy it to me!
Oh, God! Some apartment house!
They rob you, they caII you names!
We'II never win the honorary titIe of
a house of cuItured communaI Iiving.
This is an outrage! An outrage!
WeII, Iascivious shrimp, beg the Boyar
woman if she giveth you Iife or death!
- Life.
- Life. Life.
Be mercifuI, O great tsar!
Life?
Be it your way.
Listen to me, Karp,
but, pIease, don't get excited.