Me Phil, you Howard.
We be friends.
Undoubtedly on of Earth's
greatest minds here.
Phil, don't talk to him like that.
He's just as smart as you are.
- Now I'm really depressed.
- Highly intelligent, perhaps even...
Wait, that's it.
We're about to see...
if subject has any abilities
we don't have on Earth, any...
- What?
- Shall we say, super powers?
Howard, can you bend this?
- What are you, crazy?
- Howard...
can you burn a hole through
this with some kind of eye laser?
Can I bite your nose off
with my super bill?
Howard, quit holding out.
I want you to concentrate...
- and read my mind.
- Right. You're thinking...
"They know I'm a phony.
They know I'm a yo-yo."
Tell me if I'm warm
on any of these, Phil.
I want you to look into the future
and tell me what you see.
- I see myself walking out that door!
- Yeah, me too.
- No, no, no, wait! You can't leave.
- Yeah, why not?
Because there are papers
to be written, there's research...
to be done and there's symposiums
to give, lecture tours.
Howard, we are on our way
to the Science Hall of Fame.
Look out Darwin! Look out Einstein!
Hello, Nobel Prize!
We are not here to
make you famous, Blumburtt.
Beverly, listen, I never
bad-mouthed others...
in the scientific fraternity but
you bring in an alien in a bag...
to most guys and
whamo they are talking.
Let's cut him into little pieces and
see what color his organs are.
I just wanna know,
"A", what I'm doing here...
and "B",
how I'm gonna get back?
Piece of cake.
"A" I'm just the guy to help...
and that's because "B",
I've already got a theory.
- What theory?
- Well, this is, of course...
the evolutionary ladder
showing how man progressed...
- from monkey, to me, for instance.
- You consider that progress?
You're all hairless apes?
That's really disgusting.
Now, I want you both to imagine
somewhere in the Universe...
is Howard's world,
picture it in your mind.
A world almost
exactly like ours...
except that the progenitor
of the dominant species...
- was not a monkey but a duck!
- Some theory.
Every school duck
knows this stuff!
And as duck climbed up
the evolutionary ladder...
he said "Adios" to his wings.
His mental capacity increases.
He begins to develop.
Beverly?
- Shopping Malls?
- No, tribes.
Cro-Magnon Duck, who
ultimately evolves into Howard.
Blumburtt?
Blumburtt?
- Come on!
- What the hell are you doing?
- What?
- Don't move! Don't breathe!
Did you finish cleaning
up the specimen lab?
- Almost finished.
- Well, get down to...
the Marine Lift Exhibit
with a mop.
Some kid upchucked
all over the fern fossils.
Right.
Good as done, Dr. Chapin.
So, Philsey, you are
a scientist or a janitor?
- I'm a lab assistant.
- That's terrific! Just perfect.
- Yep, I'm out of here.
- Look, it's just a temporary job...
until I finish school and
get my own museum.
Yeah, stuffed you'd
make a great exhibit.
Howard!
Howard, wait!
- Typical hairless ape.
- Howard, look, come on...
don't flutter off in a huff!
Beverly, listen, I've got...
some important matters to clean up
here, but I'll call you tonight.
I'll figure out a way
to help Howard, I swear.
Just don't show him
to anybody else!
Yeah, they look hungry.
Get them a banana.
Hide him!
Take him to a movie!
Look, I didn't know
where else to go for help.
- Inside, Blumburtt.
- Coming. Coming.
Howard, why are
you so pissed off?
Why? Listen, if you got blasted
millions of miles through space...
ended up on another
planet and were given...
an I.Q. Test by a janitor,
you'd be pissed off too!
Look, maybe you are trapped
in a world you never made...
but, I got problems of my own.
My whole career is falling apart.
Your career?
What about my life?
- I'm stranded here, ship wrecked!
- Look at this wonderful exhibit.
You see what I mean?
I'm a freak. An outcast.
- It's so life-like and realistic.
- Bug off.
- Excuse me?
- I said, "beat it".
Mutants.
You,