hairless apes?
That's really disgusting.
Now, I want you both to imagine
somewhere in the Universe...
is Howard's world,
picture it in your mind.
A world almost
exactly like ours...
except that the progenitor
of the dominant species...
- was not a monkey but a duck!
- Some theory.
Every school duck
knows this stuff!
And as duck climbed up
the evolutionary ladder...
he said "Adios" to his wings.
His mental capacity increases.
He begins to develop.
Beverly?
- Shopping Malls?
- No, tribes.
Cro-Magnon Duck, who
ultimately evolves into Howard.
Blumburtt?
Blumburtt?
- Come on!
- What the hell are you doing?
- What?
- Don't move! Don't breathe!
Did you finish cleaning
up the specimen lab?
- Almost finished.
- Well, get down to...
the Marine Lift Exhibit
with a mop.
Some kid upchucked
all over the fern fossils.
Right.
Good as done, Dr. Chapin.
So, Philsey, you are
a scientist or a janitor?
- I'm a lab assistant.
- That's terrific! Just perfect.
- Yep, I'm out of here.
- Look, it's just a temporary job...
until I finish school and
get my own museum.
Yeah, stuffed you'd
make a great exhibit.
Howard!
Howard, wait!
- Typical hairless ape.
- Howard, look, come on...
don't flutter off in a huff!
Beverly, listen, I've got...
some important matters to clean up
here, but I'll call you tonight.
I'll figure out a way
to help Howard, I swear.
Just don't show him
to anybody else!
Yeah, they look hungry.
Get them a banana.
Hide him!
Take him to a movie!
Look, I didn't know
where else to go for help.
- Inside, Blumburtt.
- Coming. Coming.
Howard, why are
you so pissed off?
Why? Listen, if you got blasted
millions of miles through space...
ended up on another
planet and were given...
an I.Q. Test by a janitor,
you'd be pissed off too!
Look, maybe you are trapped
in a world you never made...
but, I got problems of my own.
My whole career is falling apart.
Your career?
What about my life?
- I'm stranded here, ship wrecked!
- Look at this wonderful exhibit.
You see what I mean?
I'm a freak. An outcast.
- It's so life-like and realistic.
- Bug off.
- Excuse me?
- I said, "beat it".
Mutants.
You, too.
- Leave me alone!
- What?
I don't need any more of
your sympathy, your charity!
Okay. Okay, fine.
I mean, I just found something...
I meet somebody in a pretty weird
predicament and I was trying to help.
But if that's the way you want it,
then so long, Ducky!
Don't shed any
tears over me, Toots!
You can wallow
in your own self pity!
Right!
Well, who needs you?
- I don't need anybody!
- Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Damn it! I can't sit here on my tail
feathers feeling sorry for myself.
I've got to think
about practical matter.
Food, shelter, a job.
Now you do know
why you were sent to me?
My continuing
streak of bad luck?
You've been sent to me because
I'm famous for finding job...
for little slackers like you.
That's right.
They send me all the psycho cases.
All the misfits.
All the phonies and
the fakers who think that...
by traipsing in here
looking outlandish...
they're not gonna
be able to find work!
It's my fault I gotta shoplift at
the little tyke section of goodwill?
I'm not talking about your clothes,
I'm talking about your face.
You think that by looking
controversial, you're never...
gonna find a job and just
go on collecting unemployment...
and living happy
on the public dough.
Well, dude, you've got
another think coming!
Because Cora Mae always
places her interviewee.
I'm gonna
find your ass a job.
That'll wipe that snarl right off
your face, little whatever you is.
In fact, I think I got
just the position for you!
I got a feeling you're gonna take
to this job like a duck to water.
Towels, lotion?
Antibiotics?
It must mating season.
Creepy little dude.
Shorty?
It's Howard, thank you,
and I'm taking a break.
Pardon me,
Your Aloneness...
but we seem to have a plugged
up airjet in number five.
-