- " Bastard.!" Get out of my way.! Where'd you learn how to drive? East L.A.? Safer, huh? Man, let me out of here. - "" How much do we owe you? - Uh, 400 francs. Four... Wh... I'm sorry, but the-the meter says 200. Oh, yes. Two hundred for you, and two hundred for him. That's four hundred. Thank you. Wh-What's that for? Uh, "le service." The tip. Merci, au revoir. Service the tip? You can't want a tip for that ride! I think we just got ripped off, amigo. It's because we're American "boys-eh." This is the Champs-Elysee, man. Biggest shopping street in the world. The Arc de Triomphe's up there. This is Paris. Look at those Eiffel Towers. We're talkin' "eyeful"here. What you doin'? Excuse me, madam, I'd like to talk to you. I want you to meet my friend. His name is Jonathan. Jonathan, this is madam. Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir? Quoi? Voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir? Oh, you asshole. She likes you. What'd she do that for? I just asked her out for dinner. No, no, no. You asked her if she would like to go to bed with you tonight. - I did? - "I thought you took French." I did take French. I mean, I can say, "This is my pencil, my pencil is big," that kind of stuff. Under the right circumstances, that could be useful. Yeah? Yeah. We gotta find those circumstances, Manolo. Thank you. This is all in French, man. I can't understand this. Ah, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Can you understand that? Oui. Manolo, look at this place. It's incredible! It says here there are over 208,000 works of art. And that's like Roman, Ancient Greek, the Mona Lisa. - "Venus de Milo's here." - Yeah, you mean the chick with no arms? Yeah, that's the one. I mean, this is the palace where the French kings lived before Versailles. And then Napoleon turned it into the biggest museum in the world. What is your name? Heidi. I am Carlos, from Algeria. Have you heard of me? Isn't there a terrorist named Carlos? Shh! I need your help. I need you to walk with me to my hotel. I cannot walk the streets of Paris alone. Will you help me? I don't know... Shh! Say no more. I shall return. What's goin' on? I'm in! You're in. Her name is Heidi. Heidi? She's Swedish. We're goin' back to the hotel. Manolo, how'd you do that so quickly? Told her my name was Carlos, man, and I just got back from Algeria. She thinks I'm a terrorist. Swedish chicks go crazy for that shit. So, give me two hours before you head back to the hotel. Well, wait a second. Maybe she's got a girlfriend or something. Hey, no offense, but uh... I'm a terrorist. I can't be seen with somebody who looks like Bambi. I don't look like Bambi. Okay, so you don't look like Bambi. Why don't you go check out the Eiffel Tower? I already saw it. See it again. Come on, gimme a break! She's Swedish. Hey. Happy hunting, amigo. Monsieur? Uh, do you "parlez-vous" English? Un peu. Uh, "donnez-moi" "s'il vous plait," um, "Per-nodd." Du grand vin? Donnez-moi, "s'il vous plait"... I understand "donnez-moi," and "s'il vous plait." I don't know what is, "Per-nodd." "P-Per-nodd." Here. See. Ah, "Pair-noh." - "Pair-noh." - "Monsieur" wishes un Pernod. "Yes." Monsieur "does wish"... Do you take Travelers Cheques? Pernod. Merci. - "Avec de I'eau?" - Victor who? - With water? - Please! "Pair-noh."Geez. - "Per-nodd." - "Avec de I'eau.!" Mon crayon est large. Pardon? Mon crayon est large, et bon crayon estjaune. Your pencil is big and yellow? - "Oui.!" - Oh. Nice for you. What a jerk. Ahh! Ahh! What the hell. Excusez-moi, madame. I speak English. Yeah? So do I. - Yes? - Can I buy you a drink? Well, I'm drinking coffee. Drinking coffee. Yeah. -
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